Patience and Anticipation.

My word for 2015 is balance. You can hear more about that here, but this morning I've been thinking about, in what ways do I need to create balance? One thing that came to mind was with patience and anticipation. I am not great at patience. I can get really excited about something and want it to happen right then. I can really care about something and then when nothing happens right away convince myself that I don't really care anyway so I forget about it. I can get so caught up in what's to come or what I want to happen that I forget to stay present in the here and now. The more I thought about it, the more I realize I need to create that balance for waiting for what is to come and being fully alive and present in the here and now. I was reading Bread for the Journey by Henri Nouwen and this is what he says about patience:

Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control, the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let's be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand. 

This year I want to choose to create balance in such a way that cultivates the discipline of patience. I want to live each moment to the fullest and to be completely present. I want to anticipate the future and dream, but I don't want to try and get away from where I am. I think there's a delicate balance that must be struck between the now and the not yet and it's looking like I may be figuring out what that looks like this year.

Friends Part 3

About two years ago I thought about writing a book about friendship. It's just one of my favorite things. With friendship I have community, I learn more about myself, I learn what it means to just be present with someone and how showing up is sometimes all the fixing you need to do, I learn the power of the two words, "me too", I have so much fun and through friendship I am reminded of God's love. I threw my book idea out the window when I realized other people already realized these things and have beat me to it. It's cool...now I just get to discover those writings and realize someone else is way more articulate than I am, so I'll leave the book writing up to someone else. Well, I read one of those writings from Nouwen (one of my favorites) in Bread for the Journey. I already wrote one of the things he says about friendship, but here's another.

"No two friends are the same. Each has his or her own gift for us. When we expect one friend to have all we need, we will always be hypercritical, never completely happy with what he or she does have. One friend may offer us affection, another may stimulate our minds, another may strengthen our souls. The more able we are to receive the different gifts our friends have to give us, the more able we will be to offer our own unique but limited gifts. Thus, friendships create a beautiful tapestry of love."

Reading this resulted in another weirded out moment of...how does someone write out exactly what I have thought, but said it so much better!?! But, this is a thought I have wrestled with for a long time. I so easily get sucked into the comparison game and can see in others what I wish I had, or see someone's friendship and wish I was that kind of friend with them, but after I truly realized that it is a waste of time and that comparison is the thief of joy I felt so much freedom.

Everyone is different, therefore, friendships will be different. I can't look at my friendship with one person and expect it to be the same with the next person because those two people are different. And that, my friends, is a beautiful, beautiful thing.  I wish more and more people realized this. There would be so much more freedom in friendship if we realized each person is different, no two relationships look the same, and we each have our own unique gifts to bring.

This is also why you'll never see me competing for someone's attention. I saw that game played growing up and I think at a really early age I realized how much I didn't want to do that. I remember being in elementary school and thinking, why can't everyone just love each other and be friends? How come girls have to get upset about who is friends with who? I'm thankful that I learned that early because as you grow up, not a lot changes.

I am who I am. I know who I am. I offer myself and all I can to my friends. It looks different sometimes to different people. I cannot lose time wondering how to have the same relationship with someone that others have because I am only me. Not much is gained from trying to compete to be "the best" so that people can like you the most. I've realized it's a lot less exhausting and a lot more rewarding to be who you are. The right people are going to come in your life and love you. Don't waste time trying to be someone else or wish your friendship was just like someone else's. Just be who you are.

Friends part 2

Confession: I get a little weirded out when I read other blogs or open the daily reading I do and it's exactly what I've been thinking about, blogging about or having conversations with people about. So all that to say, I have been thinking a lot about friends these days. Every day (okay...almost every day) I read Henri Nouwen's Bread for the Journey which just have daily thoughts. The last few days have been blowin' my mind with how relevant they've been to what's going on in my head, but I wanted to share yesterday's.

"We need friends. Friends guide us, care for us, confront us in love, console us in times of pain. Although we speak of "making friends," friends cannot be made. Friends are free gifts from God. But God gives us the friends we need when we need them if we fully trust in Gods love. Friends cannot replace God. They have limitations and weaknesses like we have. Their love is never faultless, never complete. But in their limitations they can be signposts on our journey toward the unlimited and unconditional love of God. Let's enjoy the friends God has sent on our way."

Thankful for friendship and the fact that my friends are signposts on my journey toward the unlimited and unconditional love of God.