Patience and Anticipation.

My word for 2015 is balance. You can hear more about that here, but this morning I've been thinking about, in what ways do I need to create balance? One thing that came to mind was with patience and anticipation. I am not great at patience. I can get really excited about something and want it to happen right then. I can really care about something and then when nothing happens right away convince myself that I don't really care anyway so I forget about it. I can get so caught up in what's to come or what I want to happen that I forget to stay present in the here and now. The more I thought about it, the more I realize I need to create that balance for waiting for what is to come and being fully alive and present in the here and now. I was reading Bread for the Journey by Henri Nouwen and this is what he says about patience:

Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control, the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let's be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand. 

This year I want to choose to create balance in such a way that cultivates the discipline of patience. I want to live each moment to the fullest and to be completely present. I want to anticipate the future and dream, but I don't want to try and get away from where I am. I think there's a delicate balance that must be struck between the now and the not yet and it's looking like I may be figuring out what that looks like this year.

One Word for 2015.

It's that time of year again, a New Year. It's hard to believe it's 2015! The holidays were a whirlwind for me and I didn't have much time to really think back on the year or think ahead to the next, but luckily, I had an eight hour car ride to let my mind and heart go for a little bit. For the last two years I have chosen a word for the year. Each time it is a word that I thought about a lot and that I wanted to encompass the essence of the year ahead. There's actually a whole community that does this. I love this practice and have been thinking and praying about my word for 2015 for the last couple weeks. I have realized that I need to be careful with this choice because if the last two years were any indication...the word I choose really does make itself known throughout the year. 2013 was about confidence and this last year about being unafraid. Pages and pages could be filled with how I have gained confidence and the opportunities I have had to be unafraid, but for the sake of saving time I won't go into that here.

I will carry those words with me as I travel into this next year. 2015...the year of balance. Balance did not make my initial brainstorming list of words for 2015, but it came about during a talk with someone who knows me well and is willing to ask me the hard questions. I kept passing it over for other ideas I had (this seems to be a theme for these words that I choose...I avoid them at all costs at first), but I began to realize everything else I thought to encompass the year ahead would come...with balance. So the root of it all, balance.

My hope and prayer is that in 2015 I would create balance in my life. I don't think it's something that needs to be found, but is something that is created and realizing I have the ability within my own life to create that balance...

Balance between dreaming for the future and being present in the here and now.

Balance between when I should say yes and when I should say no.

Balance between work and rest.

Balance between saying too much and not saying enough.

Balance in work, school, friends, family and life.

Balance in boundaries and expectations, reality and ideals.

 Balance between caring too much and not caring enough.

Balance between moving forward and staying right where I am.

Balance in what I know to be true and what I'm still seeking after.

Balance in pouring out to others and pouring into myself.

Balance between holding on and letting go.

Balance in wanting to do a lot of things but realizing I can't do everything.

The list could go on and I hope to share more about my journey and the opportunities I have in creating balance this year. Here's to a balanced 2015!