The Beauty of Community.

I was fortunate enough to spend last weekend in Michigan with some of my favorite people. The beginning of the trip was with family and the end of the trip with friends. It was refreshing and exhausting all at the same time, but overall, it was just what I needed. No matter where I live or where I go, Michigan will always be home. Staring out the big window in my parent's living room and looking out to the backyard, sitting on the beach, playing in the waves at Lake Michigan and soaking in the sunsets are where I find peace.

That weekend I didn't even spend much time at my actual house, but I was with people in lots of different places. It made me realize home isn't always a place, but it can be who you're with too.

My friends and I rented a house for the weekend. We've been planning this trip for almost a year and we managed to find a time where all eleven people could come from five different states to one of our favorite places, Lake Michigan. When everyone arrived, my heart felt like it would burst because it was so full.

Some of these friends I have known since I was a baby, some of them elementary school, some high school and some have "married into" the group, but regardless of the length of time each person has been in my life, they each mean so much to me and have a piece of my heart.

The weekend was a healing balm and jumpstart to my heart, all at the same time. One group got dinner ready, while others played cornhole and others talked on the porch. We played game after game after game. We sprinted across the sand to meet the sunset. We talked life plans and caught up in ways that can only happen in person. We settled into each other's presence and picked up where we left off. We jabbed and joked with each other and went back and forth, where others may look in and wonder if we're more like siblings than friends. But that's the beauty in community, just because we don't share blood, doesn't mean we can't be our own kind of family.

With each burst of laughter, each heart shared, each question asked, every joke made and every smile exchanged, I just saw beauty. Beauty in friendship, beauty in bonds that last through change, through moves, through life transitions, beauty in new friends and marriages and babies and life milestones celebrated, beauty in community and beauty in the ability to sit down, pick up where you left off and really be together. States, time and life might separate us, but that doesn't mean the beauty is gone. It just means we have to hang on to it when we can and know it'll be there the next time we're together.

We are meant for community. This weekend was a testament of that truth for me. We are meant to open ourselves up to each other and do life together. We are meant to encourage, comfort and listen to each other. We are meant to enjoy, laugh and have fun together. We are meant to be a part of each other's story.

I am so thankful for the community I have and that through the people who exist within my different communities and "families" that I am able to see and experience so much love and so much beauty.

When I Can't Fix It.

The last couple weeks have been hard. I went to a 15 year old's funeral last week. He collapsed while he was playing basketball... playing basketball. A kid who was an excellent athlete, loved by so many, fun and respectful, gone way too soon. It doesn't make sense. I wish this was the only thing that happened, but you know that saying, when it rains, it pours? It's been pouring lately.

I'm a fixer. I love being able to put things back the way they should be. I love helping other people figure things out. I thrive in harmony and when things are the way they should be.

The last couple weeks have been full of things I can't fix and I hate it. I can't tell our students that their friend is coming back. I can't get rid of the cancer filling my friend's body. I can't fix any of it and it sucks.

Things are broken. The world is broken. Sometimes we have to sit among the broken things and realize we can't fix it. We have to sit among the situations that don't make sense.

We can't explain away the death of a 15 year old. We can't explain away cancer. Honestly, when we try, we can do a lot more harm then good.

I've realized the only thing I can do is pray and be there. I don't have any answers, I don't always know the right things to say, I don't have the ability to fix things, but I can be there. I've realized that sometimes I can get so caught up in trying to fix things and figure out solutions that I miss what I should really be doing...showing up and being present because sometimes things aren't fixable and all you can do is be there with the answers of this doesn't make sense, but you're not alone.

(After I wrote this I came upon a post that had perfect timing by Heather Plett about what it means to "hold space" for people and it's great...you can read it here)

Friends Part 3

About two years ago I thought about writing a book about friendship. It's just one of my favorite things. With friendship I have community, I learn more about myself, I learn what it means to just be present with someone and how showing up is sometimes all the fixing you need to do, I learn the power of the two words, "me too", I have so much fun and through friendship I am reminded of God's love. I threw my book idea out the window when I realized other people already realized these things and have beat me to it. It's cool...now I just get to discover those writings and realize someone else is way more articulate than I am, so I'll leave the book writing up to someone else. Well, I read one of those writings from Nouwen (one of my favorites) in Bread for the Journey. I already wrote one of the things he says about friendship, but here's another.

"No two friends are the same. Each has his or her own gift for us. When we expect one friend to have all we need, we will always be hypercritical, never completely happy with what he or she does have. One friend may offer us affection, another may stimulate our minds, another may strengthen our souls. The more able we are to receive the different gifts our friends have to give us, the more able we will be to offer our own unique but limited gifts. Thus, friendships create a beautiful tapestry of love."

Reading this resulted in another weirded out moment of...how does someone write out exactly what I have thought, but said it so much better!?! But, this is a thought I have wrestled with for a long time. I so easily get sucked into the comparison game and can see in others what I wish I had, or see someone's friendship and wish I was that kind of friend with them, but after I truly realized that it is a waste of time and that comparison is the thief of joy I felt so much freedom.

Everyone is different, therefore, friendships will be different. I can't look at my friendship with one person and expect it to be the same with the next person because those two people are different. And that, my friends, is a beautiful, beautiful thing.  I wish more and more people realized this. There would be so much more freedom in friendship if we realized each person is different, no two relationships look the same, and we each have our own unique gifts to bring.

This is also why you'll never see me competing for someone's attention. I saw that game played growing up and I think at a really early age I realized how much I didn't want to do that. I remember being in elementary school and thinking, why can't everyone just love each other and be friends? How come girls have to get upset about who is friends with who? I'm thankful that I learned that early because as you grow up, not a lot changes.

I am who I am. I know who I am. I offer myself and all I can to my friends. It looks different sometimes to different people. I cannot lose time wondering how to have the same relationship with someone that others have because I am only me. Not much is gained from trying to compete to be "the best" so that people can like you the most. I've realized it's a lot less exhausting and a lot more rewarding to be who you are. The right people are going to come in your life and love you. Don't waste time trying to be someone else or wish your friendship was just like someone else's. Just be who you are.