Lessons from a 1 year old.

A couple weeks ago I got to spend a few days with my nephew in Seattle. He's the best. I hate living so far away from him and not being able to see him grow every day, but I cherish the time I do get with him. He's so fun and it is fun to see the world through his eyes and all of the ways he continues to grow. I was there the week or so after he really started walking, so that was a fun time too to see him learn this new skill and take the world by storm in a new way. Today is his first birthday (!!) so I figured it was appropriate to dedicate this post to him and what he has taught me. When I was spending time with him, I realized there's a lot we can learn from a 1 year old. Since I love to make lists, I decided to make a list of life lessons from a 1 year old.

1. Sometimes we just need to fall and trying to help can hurt more. Since he was just learning to walk, he fell...a lot. As someone who loves him and never wants to see him hurt, of course my reaction was to reach out and catch him or try to soften his fall, but I realized after awhile that, often times, that made him fall harder. (Sorry Jake and Em). Usually when he lost his balance and caught himself he was fine...he popped right up, ready to keep on walking like it was no big thing. I realized how often we can try to help someone or try to break their fall or fix it when they really don't need our help. Sometimes helping can hurt and sometimes people need to fall on their own.
2. Joy can be found in the simple things. My nephew and sis-in-law were in Michigan recently at her grandparent's house and he loved this spoon he found so he got to take it back to Seattle with him. He loves a spoon...he also spent a lot of time entertained by my little shampoo bottle. These are not big, flashy, or expensive things, but simple, every day items. I think too often we get sidetracked by thinking that life is meant to be big and flashy, when joy and beauty is often found in the simple and every day.
3. When in doubt...turn to wonder. Babies have so much to learn. Have you ever thought about all the things that we learn throughout life? That at one point you had to learn how to walk, learn to talk, to eat by yourself and learn how the things around you work. Sometimes I would see him look at something or hear something that he wasn't sure about and then he would toddle over to check it out. Babies don't have all the answers because they don't know much yet, so they're constantly turning to wonder and to curiosity. At some point in life, we lose this, we think we have all the answers or shouldn't have any doubts, but that's not reality...what would it look like if we turned to wonder more often? If we let ourselves do the work to figure things out and if we can't figure them out, just turn to wonder and rest in the fact that we don't have to know it all.
4. Sometimes all the people in your life want is for you to show them love. He is a very active 1 year old...he isn't about the cuddling life. Em would sit him on the edge of the couch every morning to wake me up and I just wanted to cuddle him, but he pushed away and wanted to be off exploring. I mean...I get it, there's a lot to see out there! He doesn't know any better, but it made me think about how much we want the people in our life to show us love, so are we returning the favor? Go hug someone. Go tell someone you love and appreciate them. It matters.
5. Trust in who you follow. My nephew adores his mom and dad. He doesn't hesitate to take their hand and walk around with them. When we put him down the slide, whoever was at the bottom would catch him and he hasn't learned yet that maybe that person down there won't catch me. He trusts in his parents and the people who dearly love him. I follow Jesus, but I don't think I always trust him...not like a child trusts his mom or his dad. It's a lesson I have to continually be reminded of.

So Happy Birthday buddy...you're only 1 and you're already teaching the world so much! I think we all need to strive to be more like little children and the world may become a more beautiful place.

A dirty mirror.

This mirror is one of my favorite things in my house. I found it one day in the barn at my parent's house and asked if I could have it. They said sure and that it had been in the barn since my grandpa built the house back in the 70's and came from their other home before that. It definitely wasn't the most loved item, with dirt engrained in the wood and smeared across the glass so you couldn't really see your reflection and paint chipped away. I was going to paint it a different color, but once I cleaned it up, I realized I liked how it looked...paint chips and all. It made a difference once you could see your clear reflection in it.

For some reason, I've always loved mirrors. It's a weird thing and I don't know why, but it's a thing for me. So a mirror that actually came from my family and means something and looks cute in my house...jackpot!

Anyway...for some reason this image of a dirty and smudged mirror has been in my head lately. So often we think of ourselves like we're looking at ourselves in a dirty mirror, we can't see ourselves clearly and we can't see a true reflection. We don't see ourselves the way God intended. I think truly knowing where our identity rests, loving and accepting ourselves, engaging in healthy relationships, becoming self-aware, and dealing with our issues helps that mirror become more and more clear, so we can truly see who God created us to be.

This is a lesson I've been learning a lot about the last couple years. One reason I love life is because it's a journey and I feel like there's always something more to learn about others, about the world and about yourself! We need to love ourselves so that we can love others well and we need to continue to uncover who God created us to be and live into that identity. I think at some point in life we start building up walls, we start hesitating here, or ignoring those feelings there because we're scared to be who we truly are. We get caught up in what people think of us, we get caught up in being perfect and we get caught up in being who we think the world wants us to be...at some point we look in a mirror and it's so smudged and dirty, we can't see ourselves and who we truly are.

For me, this journey of uncovering who God created me to be, of loving myself, of holding myself to a standard of grace and not perfection, and finding my identity in the fact that I am dearly loved has not been easy, but it's worth it. I've realized too that sometimes we need others to help us "clean off our mirror." A lot of the time we don't actually see ourselves the way others see us or believe in ourselves the way others believe in us so sometimes we have to borrow that belief and accept that help from others.

For a long time I stared into my mirror and it's like all I saw was dirt and imperfection and smudges, but then a friend would come along and remind me where my identity should come from...and she took a rag and wiped some dirt away. Then another person came along and encouraged me and affirmed who I am and that's who God created me to be and took a rag and wiped a few more smudges away. Then another person gave me an opportunity to show that I was capable, even if I didn't believe it myself, and they took a rag and wiped away some dust.

My people coming around me helped me see myself more clearly. They helped me pick up my own rag and wipe away all the dirt and smudges so I could see myself clearly, so I could truly see who God created me to be.

It may just be me, but this has been a process over and over again for me. Sometimes I forget and the mirror gets a little cloudy, but God seems to always send someone with that rag in hand to speak some truth until I remember it myself.

I hope we can all be mirror cleaners for others...may we only speak truth so that others see themselves clearly.

I want you to know that even if you don't see yourself clearly right now, you matter, you have value and you need to start seeing yourself with love and grace. Sometimes we can't do it by ourselves and we have to borrow that truth from others, so here I am, telling you this truth, you are dearly loved, you were created on purpose and you are meant to be who you truly are...let me get my rag so I can come clean your mirror.

Dear Exhausted Job Applicant

Dear Exhausted Job Applicant, I see you. I see you over there trying to word "I would love to work for your organization" in three different ways so they really understand that you want this job. I see you rewriting and rewriting cover letter after cover letter, researching another organization and trying to formulate your resume to make it look like you're qualified, because you know you are but  "on paper" it seems like you're not. I see you getting your hopes up, sending every resume off with a prayer and then hanging your head when there's silence on the other end. I see you.

You try and remember that your value isn't in your work, but it's hard sometimes. It's hard when you enjoy working and know that is where you find joy and now you don't have the certainty of that. You try and remember it's normal that people change jobs and job hunt all the time. You try and remember that "God is in control" and all the truths you know you're supposed to remember, but it's hard.

It's hard when you feel like you've been led to let go of where you are in order to grab onto what's next. It's hard when what's next isn't clear. It's hard when people stare at you like a crazy person when you say you are leaving one job without knowing what's next. It's hard when you felt such peace about your decision, but then nothing seems to be working out. It's hard when you're just trying to do the next right thing and then all of a sudden you're not sure what the next right thing is. It's hard when you don't want to doubt and be confused, it's hard to not be terrified all the time.

It's easy to stop applying and just hope something works out. It's easy to have a pity party and complain. It's easy to beat yourself up and give into the fear. That's the easy part...but that's not where beauty shines through.

Beauty shines through when someone looks at you, not like you're crazy, but says they're proud of you. Beauty shines through when a peace that surpasses all understanding fills your soul. Beauty shines through when even when it's easier to have the pity party and believe the lies that you made a mistake you choose to replace the lies with truth. You'll slowly feel the truth cement in your heart and start to grow roots in your soul. Beauty shines through when even with all the unknown and the time of transition, people come alongside you and hold up your hands and remind you that it's going to be okay. Beauty shines through when people extend you the grace, compassion and understanding that you're having a hard time extending to yourself.

So, exhausted job applicant, let me replace some lies with truth for you. You are not your job or your occupation. You have value regardless of what you do because you are not what you do, you are who you are. If you know God led you to a decision or a choice and it doesn't seem like he's showing up, remember all the examples in your life before and how he's been faithful. Why would he stop now? Also, people don't get hired overnight. Some of us who are impatient and like for things to happen right now have a hard time remembering this (Of course I'm not talking about myself...).

This is getting long and you're already tired from all those cover letters and resumes so let me tell you these last things. It's okay that this is hard. It's okay to grieve what you're letting go of and still be excited about what's next. It's okay to have a pity party, just don't stay there for long. It's okay to be dramatic, but just make sure you have a good friend there to let you know when you're getting ridiculous. And remember, you need people. Even if you're coping mechanism with all this is to retreat into yourself, don't retreat all the way. Remember we're not meant to do life alone. There are people who want to be there for you, give people a chance to show up and let that beauty shine through amidst your circumstances.

I see you and I'm with you.

Love,

Abby aka An Exhausted Job Applicant

The Beauty of Community.

I was fortunate enough to spend last weekend in Michigan with some of my favorite people. The beginning of the trip was with family and the end of the trip with friends. It was refreshing and exhausting all at the same time, but overall, it was just what I needed. No matter where I live or where I go, Michigan will always be home. Staring out the big window in my parent's living room and looking out to the backyard, sitting on the beach, playing in the waves at Lake Michigan and soaking in the sunsets are where I find peace.

That weekend I didn't even spend much time at my actual house, but I was with people in lots of different places. It made me realize home isn't always a place, but it can be who you're with too.

My friends and I rented a house for the weekend. We've been planning this trip for almost a year and we managed to find a time where all eleven people could come from five different states to one of our favorite places, Lake Michigan. When everyone arrived, my heart felt like it would burst because it was so full.

Some of these friends I have known since I was a baby, some of them elementary school, some high school and some have "married into" the group, but regardless of the length of time each person has been in my life, they each mean so much to me and have a piece of my heart.

The weekend was a healing balm and jumpstart to my heart, all at the same time. One group got dinner ready, while others played cornhole and others talked on the porch. We played game after game after game. We sprinted across the sand to meet the sunset. We talked life plans and caught up in ways that can only happen in person. We settled into each other's presence and picked up where we left off. We jabbed and joked with each other and went back and forth, where others may look in and wonder if we're more like siblings than friends. But that's the beauty in community, just because we don't share blood, doesn't mean we can't be our own kind of family.

With each burst of laughter, each heart shared, each question asked, every joke made and every smile exchanged, I just saw beauty. Beauty in friendship, beauty in bonds that last through change, through moves, through life transitions, beauty in new friends and marriages and babies and life milestones celebrated, beauty in community and beauty in the ability to sit down, pick up where you left off and really be together. States, time and life might separate us, but that doesn't mean the beauty is gone. It just means we have to hang on to it when we can and know it'll be there the next time we're together.

We are meant for community. This weekend was a testament of that truth for me. We are meant to open ourselves up to each other and do life together. We are meant to encourage, comfort and listen to each other. We are meant to enjoy, laugh and have fun together. We are meant to be a part of each other's story.

I am so thankful for the community I have and that through the people who exist within my different communities and "families" that I am able to see and experience so much love and so much beauty.

Other.

There's been a lot happening lately...from the beautiful lives lost in Charleston (Also, did you know six black churches have been set on fire since this happened? It hasn't been all over the news, but it's real and it's happening. Check out #whoisburningblackchurches on Twitter), to same sex marriage being legalized, to the affordable care act being upheld, lots of conversations happening, bringing "issues" to the forefront and everyone having an opinion about something. Also, unfortunately, there seems to be lots of hate going around. I don't really get it and I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Something that I've realized in all this rhetoric about different things is how we view each other as "other" or think about people in terms of "us" and "them."

We don't agree with homosexuality and we think marriage should be between a man and a woman so those that disagree or practice homosexuality are "other."

We think the Confederate flag is just part of our heritage and doesn't stand for racism or slavery and anyone who thinks differently is too "sensitive" or "other."

We think "poor people" should just work harder and not take advantage of welfare and "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" and those that don't..."other." Aren't we glad we're not like "them"?

We think those "immigrants" should just go back where they came from, they're too "other," they're not like "us."

How often do we step outside of our own perspective and worldview and try to consider another? How do we stop seeing fellow human beings as "other"?

I know I'm guilty of this too. I can see people that are different than I am and they are "other." They're not like me, they don't believe what I believe, they are wrong...therefore, they are "other." It's me against them...whoever them is. It's like it gets engrained in our minds...there's us and there's them.

It once was easy for me to say, oh, homosexuality is wrong and the law shouldn't include same sex couples...until I started having friends who came out and actually entered into friendships with people who are gay and took the time to listen to them and hear their story. It was easy for me to say, oh, racial profiling probably doesn't happen on the scale that people try to say or racism still isn't a huge thing, people just exaggerate, until I started having friends and neighbors tell me their experiences, until I started listening and really opened my eyes to see. It was easy for me to say, I really do care about equality and justice, but it's just too much so I'm going to distance myself from it all...until, I really started seeing the inequality and injustice. It was easy for me to say, why wouldn't people just enter our country legally...until, I started hearing the stories of those that are undocumented and hear about the fear and injustices they live with each day and how screwed up our immigration system is.

These "issues" aren't issues to me, they are people, they are living, breathing, beautiful people with the image of God stamped on them just like it's stamped on me.

Things can be easier when we see people as "other" or when we just think in terms of "issues." We get to have our opinions, we get to see things in black and white, we get to distance ourselves and thank God that we"re "not like them," but is that love? Is that carrying each other's burdens? Is that truly working to see God's Kingdom on Earth as it is in Heaven? Is that truly experiencing the richness and fullness that can come from deep relationships and community? Is that really choosing to love our neighbor as ourself? Is that what Jesus was about? (I'm pretty sure Jesus spent a lot of his time with people who were considered "other")

We need to be surrounded by people who are different than us. What tore down the walls and broke the lens of seeing "other", for me, was relationship and community. It was love really. It was stepping outside of my perspective and my own box. Building relationships and stepping inside someone else's story breaks down the barriers of "us" and "them"...it creates space for just us.

I wrote a prayer on my bathroom mirror that I read every day because I'm tired of how easy it can be to see the people around me as "other" and I know I have to work to uproot the bias and the indifference in my own heart. I pray that I would be reminded daily that everyone is made in God's image, that everyone deserves to be loved and that if I can even have a small part of affirming that in someone, I will.

It doesn't have to be us and them...we can be part of creating a better story. A more inclusive story. A story where there is no us and them, there's just us. A story where no one is marginalized or made to feel "other" because they are affirmed in who they are and affirmed in the fact that they are created in God's image and are wholly and fully loved.

How does my prayer end? With love...just to love well.