It’s time for one of my favorite practices of the year! This annual birthday rhythm always helps me look back and remember the silly, serious, hard, and fun times. This was the last sentence of my post last year…”32...I would love for you to be a little bit kinder than 31 was…” Year 32 was definitely not kinder than year 31, but such is life so here we go.
32 things from my 32nd year of life:
I moved to Tacoma, Washington. I’m officially a resident of the PNW! The move happened two months after I planned, I ended up moving by myself, all during a pandemic. It wasn’t what I expected, to say the least, but I made it. Nothing about this move has gone as I planned or expected, but that was basically the theme of year 32.
COVID. There’s a lot that could be said here, but living through a global pandemic is no joke and the devastation of losing loved ones and the world turning upside down is a lot. It’s been a year of grief and change collectively and individually.
I sold my house, lived with various family, and eventually moved into a new apartment! Going from your own house to living out of suitcases and one bedroom for 9 months was a big transition. I’m in my own apartment now and I love it!
I drove across the country by myself. It took about four days to get from Michigan to Washington. It was thankfully an uneventful drive and went smoothly. I also would rather not make that drive again anytime soon, driving across North Dakota is not fun.
I started a new job! I’m the Director of Resource Development at Communities In Schools of Tacoma. I spent 10 months job hunting. It was awful, exhausting, emotional, and just really hard. I’m happy with where I am and I’m looking forward to learning and growing in this position.
I am obsessed with the views in Tacoma. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of looking at the mountains and water.
My lifeline to get through this really hard year was my people. Technology allowed me to stay connected to friends. My family took care of me when I had no idea what to do with myself. Marco Polo became a constant. I grew so much closer to some friends and I’ve met a few great friends in Tacoma, even amidst this time of wearing masks, only being able to hang out outside, and social distancing.
I read A LOT of books this year. Escaping into fiction was 100% my top coping mechanism in 2020.
I operate, at minimum, at a low level of rage pretty much at all times. About systems of oppression and injustice, the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and many others, the people who refuse to wear masks for the sake of protecting others especially the most vulnerable, how COVID disproportionately impacts communities of color, how white supremacy and racism permeates the air we breath and every system in America, the domestic terrorists who stormed the capital and the trauma that results in a failed coup and impact of seeing the blatant display of white supremacy that white individuals can commit crimes and just walk back out the front door without consequence, a president that lies, promotes conspiracy theories, and incites violence, white people who think we can just post a black square on Instagram for one day and think that’s enough, fires that rage because of climate change, and the list could go on.
I tried to make watercolor painting a hobby. I’m terrible at it, but I enjoy it.
Really learned what it’s like to feel multiple feelings at once. I often felt immense gratitude and debilitating grief, I was angry and sad, and also happy, felt lonely and felt so much love from my people. There’s room for all of it.
I had a positive doctor experience. I have lots of baggage around doctors and I actually had a great doctor interaction this year.
I don’t love cooking. I went 9 months living with family and our arrangement was I would do the dishes every night if I didn’t have to make dinner and it was LOVELY. Now that I’m back on my own I’m realizing I really don’t love cooking.
The dark chocolate covered raisins from Trader Joe’s are so good.
I went to Maui. Sometimes I forget that happened because my 32nd year of life very much exists in a pre-COVID/post-COVID timeline. Maui was literally right before the world shut down. But it was beautiful and I’m so glad I got to go.
I have found a deep love for fresh flowers. I got so much joy going to the farmer’s market and buying fresh flowers. They’re beautiful.
Leaving Nashville was one of the hardest things I did. Leaving a place where I lived my whole adult life and had friends who were family was really hard. My friends threw me a great going away party and I loved seeing so many people I love in one place.
TV I watched: Schitts Creek, The Good Place, Designated Survivor, Never Have I Ever, Station 19, Little Fires Everywhere, blackAF, Bridgerton, Queen of the South, Ted Lasso
I deleted Instagram a few different times throughout the year and I was surprised how much I didn’t miss it. It’s become a regular rhythm for when I need to eliminate some inputs and feel like I’m on sensory overload.
Walks saved me this year. The regular rhythm of taking walks and listening to podcasts, catching up on Marco Polos, calling a friend, or just being silent were good for my soul.
I tend to be”okay” if everyone around me and that I love is okay...this year no one was really ever okay and it caused a reckoning for me to deal with if I was really okay. Not surprising...I wasn’t okay. A hard, but good truth for me to realize.
Realized I can only last about 1.5 hours on a video call. Any longer and I lose it. I, along with everyone else in the world I’m sure, have a love/hate relationship with technology. Love that it keeps us connected, but also staring at a screen all day cannot be good for us.
I told a story one day to Opie about an Enchanted Forest and it became a whole thing. Jonah and I made books about different stories and it was so fun! I was the author, Jonah the illustrator, and Opie…the creative assistant. Lots of fun adventures for Jonah, Opie, and their friend Ruby with talking animals, a wise woman, and mysteries to solve.
My snack of choice has become cereal. A bowl of fruity pebbles is sometimes just what I need.
I spent six or so days helping my brother out with my niece and nephew when my sister-in-law had to go out of town. I learned three year olds have a lot of opinions at 6am when they crawl in your bed, it’s also hard to get that same three year old out of the door on time for preschool, and parents have to think of 20 million things at one time. I got a taste of being a parent and I’m more than happy to stick with being an Auntie!
My favorite gift of the year was a pillow designed to help with acid reflux. Not sure what this says about me or my life, but let me just say it’s a game changer!
I came to the realization that just because I’m aware of something doesn’t mean I’m dealing with it. I’m great at repressing, minimizing my pain and feelings, and thinking that because I know what’s happening to me or that I know why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling that’s the same as dealing with it. I tend to see it, name it, and then repress it real far down. A lot of those things I’ve shoved down over the last 18 months came back to be dealt with this year. Thank God for therapy.
I discovered the goodness that is Costco. I had never been before I moved to Tacoma. I’ve gotten my mattress, my comfiest sweatpants and socks, the best gluten free pizza, and so many good treats from there.
In a year of pretty much staying at home I did get to go on a fun camping trip and beach trip with my family.
It was a year of transition. I never felt like I was on solid footing. I had no roots anywhere. Everything in the world was uncertain along with my own life. I had uprooted my whole life, had no job or my own place to live, and had no idea what was coming or what would happen. That liminal space was one of discomfort and growth for sure.
I’m officially a plant mom and I am determined to keep all my children alive.
My phrase for the year was embody authenticity. It surely didn’t look how I thought it would, but I did it. A lot of really shitty things happened in the world and in my own life, but I’m proud of myself for how I navigated it. It wasn’t always pretty, my anxiety and depression were constant companions, I experienced deep loneliness, but I did it. 32 was a year of grief, transition, uncertainty, and gratitude, growth, and resilience.
Year 33...may you be filled with joy amidst the pain, the kind of discomfort that spurs growth, continued resistance to systems of oppression, peaceful rest, good friends, beautiful views, thriving plants, fulfilled desires, and an even deeper movement into being my most authentic self.
