It’s that time of year again...my birthday and one of my favorite annual rhythms.
Here’s 31 things that I’ve learned, experienced, and loved from my 31st year.
1. I got in a car accident in April. I’ve never had something disrupt my life quite like this accident has. I started here because it shaped most of my year unfortunately. I received a pretty bad concussion which has made my 31st year basically pass in a fog. I don’t remember a lot from the year and haven’t felt like myself for 9 months. Even as I type this I hear a quiet voice in my head that says, “It really wasn’t that big of a deal. You’re fine…” For awhile after the accident I listened to that voice and kept living life as normal. I could win an award for my ability to minimize my problems and ignore my needs, but apparently that’s not a good thing when you have a head injury. I learned this the hard way as I entered one of the most difficult seasons of my life. That feels dramatic even typing that, but it’s the truth. They call concussions invisible injuries and that is exactly how it feels. You look fine and seem okay, but I haven’t been okay. Emotionally, physically, mentally...it has wrecked me in every way and has just been really hard. I’ve been seeing a doctor every week for the last eight months and entering my ninth month of recovery and it sucks. Luckily I’m healing and hopefully close I a full recovery. All the prayers, thoughts, good vibes, and fingers crossed that I’m officially released from care within the next couple of months.
2. One of the most helpful pieces of wisdom I received during this season was when I was telling a friend about it all. I was trying to say at least I was learning things from the experience. She stopped me and said, “Abby, sometimes things just suck and you don’t have to get a lesson from it. They’re just really hard.” It was freeing and a game changer for me.
3. I decided to move to Tacoma, Washington and I leave Nashville in mid-March. This past year I’ve felt my values shifting and part of that was realizing I wanted to be closer to my family and be an in-person rather than a long-distance aunt. I chose the family who lives near lots of water, mountains, and evergreens (Sorry Mom, Dad, and Bets). Making this decision simultaneously brought me so much excitement and broke my heart. It comes with a lot of big feelings and I’m learning to make room for all of them.
4. I said goodbye to the car I just bought a year before and had to buy a new car (refer to point #1) and am now the owner of a Buick. Yes, the same type of car both my grandma and parents drive, but I really like it. Thank you past concussed Abby for still making a good choice of car.
5. Moving on from the Debbie Downer and big life moments, let’s talk about lipstick. One of my goals for 2019 was to wear more lipstick. I did it and I love it.
6. I tried float therapy for the first time and it’s amazing. You’re basically floating in salt water with total sensory deprivation and it’s a total mind, body, and soul reset.
7. Some of the TV I watched: Raising Dion, Patriot Act, Madame Secretary, Outlander, Superstore, Game of Thrones (disclaimer: I only technically watched like five episodes of Game of Thrones, but since I couldn’t watch screens I would lay on the couch while my incredible roommate gave me complete recaps of the episodes. Jenn’s ability to recap a show is a gift and one of her many talents).
8. Parking at the airport is a game changer and made all my work travels a lot easier.
9. I was interviewed on the podcast, No Body Asked for This. A podcast taking down diet culture and helping so many of us unlearn the toxic beliefs and ideas we’ve been taught about our bodies. I’ve done a good amount of podcast interviews, but this one was the most vulnerable I’ve ever done. I talked about my story in relation to my body. I went from never talking about this topic to being on a podcast about it, but I’m glad I did it. If you want to listen, you can find it here.
10. I was able to do that podcast interview because I started seeing a nutrition therapist this year. It’s changed my life and I could write pages and pages about it, but there’s already too many deep and serious points in this post.
11. One of my birthday traditions is going to see a movie by myself. This year I saw Little Women and I LOVED it. It’s always been one of my favorite stories and I loved it so much.
12. I watched my friends do really cool things this year - start businesses and podcasts, switch jobs, buy houses, have babies, get engaged, face their fears, decide to move...I’m very proud of them. Women are bad asses and I know some pretty great ones.
13. I really love NYC. I was able to go twice this year. Once in January to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - which was incredible! And in the fall to watch Becca run the NYC marathon. It will always be one of my favorite places.
14. Some of the podcasts I listened to: Catlick, The Popcast with Knox and Jamie, Root of Evil, To Live and Die in LA, I didn’t have much mental space to listen to anything that caused me to think so there was a lot of true crime and pop culture listening.
15. Selling a house is no joke and a lot of work. I purged my house and got rid of A TON of stuff as I prepared to move! It felt so freeing and good, but it’s something that’s not easy for me. I was very proud of myself.
Photo by @morganharpernichols via Instagram.
16. Became even more obsessed with the artist and poet Morgan Harper Nichols. Her stuff is amazing and inspiring. I want a print of pretty much everything she does.
17. I collected some interesting dating stories this year.
18. Started using the Marco Polo app and I LOVE it. It’s a great way to stay in touch with people. I’m officially a fan.
19. Some of the music I listened to: Johnnyswim, Lizzo, Harry Styles, and the Avett Brothers.
20. I wouldn’t have made it through this year without therapy and spiritual direction. They’ve literally saved my life.
21. I’ve learned to really love the silence.
22. I did my first ever keynote speech at a conference and it went really well! My friend Hunter connected me to this opportunity and I’m so grateful. It was on my list for something I wanted to accomplish in 2019 so I was excited to cross that off my list. I also was a part of an online Enneagram summit. While my business pretty much came to a standstill after my accident I was able to do some things this year professionally that were fulfilling. I’ve fallen even more in love with teaching and speaking too.
23. I finally came to terms with the fact that I don’t really like fancy coffee drinks. I’ve tried all the different combos and they’re just not for me. I will take a decaf Americano or some type of tea every time.
Photo by @ryanpernofski via instagram
24. I decided I really like gin and tonics.
25. When I’m stressed, I look at the Instagram account, @ryanpernofski and it calms me down.
26. I came to the end of what I could do and accomplish and had to quit some things. Sometimes quitting is the best thing you can do for yourself. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure.
27. Instagram has become one of my greatest tools for learning. Some of my favorite follows: @joluehmann, @whollyhealed, @confessionsofamuslimmom, @iamrachelricketts, @christenacleveland, and @drterimurphy. (Also, don’t forget that these women generate so much good, free content so compensate them or whoever you learn from when possible!)
28. I started taking elderberry gummy vitamins, they’re delicious and great for immune support.
29. I participated in an Enneagram and Contemplative Practices cohort led by Joe Stabile and Hunter Mobley. I went to Dallas four times this year and met so many incredible people! I learned so much, which was great, and I also made lasting friendships.
30. I traveled a lot. I decided that being gone sometimes 2-3 times a month isn’t for me. It’s exhausting and I got really burned out. Most of the travel was work related, but I also had fun trips to Denver, Birmingham, Michigan, and Florida.
31. Realized I really like who I am. I don’t know when the shift happened for me, but I took this random selfie one day and my first thought when I saw it was, “I really like her.” My phrase for this year is Embody Authenticity. I’m walking into 32 ready to embody all of who I am as I enter a season of a whole lot of change, adventure, and possibility.
32...I would love for you to be a little bit kinder than 31 one was, but cheers to the year ahead!