Fulfilled?

I got a call from my mentor and friend from TNU this week asking if I would help her out and allow a class she was teaching for the Salvation Army to come to Harvest Hands. She asked me to share my story, explain what HH does and talk about Christian community development. All of the people in the class work for the Salvation Army and the way the Salvation Army works is in some ways quite a bit different than the guiding principles of HH and CCDA. I never thought I loved "public speaking" but I realized, especially after today, that when I'm talking about something I am passionate about...I could talk all day. :)

They asked questions after I was done talking. One of the guys asked me something and our conversation basically went like this:

Guy: "So you said when you were sharing your story that people didn't always understand why you wanted to do this. Your parents weren't thrilled you were living in not the safest neighborhood and people didn't get why wanted to do what you do. You went to a good school, had a quality education and have the chance to live differently. You could make more money and live somewhere safer. Do you really feel fulfilled living this way?"

Me: After looking at him for a few seconds not quite sure I heard him right, my answer went something like this, "Yes. I feel fulfilled. I can honestly answer that question with a deep, resounding down into in my soul, YES. I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing and it doesn't matter to me what people think or the fact that I could be doing something different, make more money, or live in a "nicer part of town". God calls us to love our neighbor, serve the least of these, and be part of his Kingdom coming to Earth in the here and now, not later. I am fulfilled because I know I'm part of that. Yes, there are days when it's hard and the brokenness of our kids, teenagers, families and community overwhelms me. I'll question why I don't just quit and do something "easier", but when I think about living that "American dream", having a job I don't really like so I can make more money and live in a big house where I don't know my neighbors...that seems like the most unfulfilling thing I can do."

They all proceeded to stare at me like they weren't quite sure what to do with me. "Do I feel fulfilled?" This question has been jumping around in my head all day. I've never had anyone ask me that before.

I feel fulfilled because I know God has called me to and put a passion deep inside my being to do what I do.

I feel fulfilled because each time I hear one of my teenagers say I love you, they know they're going to hear it in return and know it's true.

I feel fulfilled because each time I see one of our kid's cry they know they're going to be comforted by people that truly care about them.

I feel fulfilled because I have found community. 

I feel fulfilled because I have friendships in my life that matter. Sometimes that means you give more than you take, sometimes you take more than you give, my life is full of great people.

I feel fulfilled because I know I am the beloved of a King and that simple fact more than anyone's opinion defines who I am and I have a chance to share that truth with some beautiful girls.

I feel fulfilled because I know my life isn't about me. If I can be used even in the slightest to show God's love to each person I meet, it's worth it.

I feel fulfilled because in the midst of the broken and shitty world we're surrounded by I see, even if just a glimpse, the Kingdom of God shine through in different ways every. single. day.

Community.

We weren't meant to live on an island. Isolated from others and not sharing life. Someone asked me the question the other day, "If you were on a deserted island, what three things would you have with you." I used to have my staple answers like...my iPod (with an unlimited battery life-that counts right?), my favorite book, a pillow, matches, pictures of friends and family...okay that's more than three but anyway. I was thinking about this and I realized I would much rather have three people on that island with me than stuff.  We weren't created to live life alone.

I ache and crave for deep community. I am blessed that I don't live on an island and that I can share life with so many wonderful people. It's not always easy, it can be messy and sometimes it leaves me wishing I did just live alone on a deserted island, but God created us for community. God created us to be in relationship with people.

Community is being able to sit across the table at a coffee shop with a friend, tell her your deep insecurities and she doesn't look at you with judgement or condemnation, but with love, acceptance, and speaks truth and encouragement into you. Community is spending a day with someone and it doesn't matter if you're shopping, sitting at the lake or playing a card game you know your life is richer because it was spent with them. Community is choosing to walk alongside someone even if their life looks nothing like yours. Community is knowing that people aren't perfect, situations come along that suck and things aren't always easy, but even in those times we can celebrate life and look to those people in our lives and know they are there.

I have been blessed by the people who make up the community in my life. I've been reminded lately what true community looks like...what it can truly look like to live life together. No it hasn't just been because all is well and things are going great...stuff is hard. Conversations have happened and choices have been made while tears are shed and that's okay. It isn't just in the good times when you need people in your life, but the times when life is uncertain and you feel like everyone could abandon you, but the beautiful thing is...they don't.

Trust and Thankfulness.

My heart is overflowing tonight. Overflowing with sorrow and sadness, but also gratitude. It hasn't been the best week and a half or so.

Today, my wonderful roommate Sadie surprised me with a book I've been wanting called Jesus Calling. For those of you that haven't read it...get it. It's full of truth and wisdom and it's crazy how I opened to todays and it's exactly what I woke up thinking about. Anyway...I read this today and it was something I needed to hear:

"Rejoice and be thankful! As you walk with Me through this day, practice trusting and thanking Me all along the way. Trust is the channel through which My Peace flows into you. Thankfulness lifts you up above your circumstances. I do My greatest works through people with grateful, trusting hearts. Rather than planning and evaluating, practice trusting and thanking Me continually. This is a paradigm shift that will revolutionize your life."

I'm not trusting that God knows what's going on or that he'll lead us in the way we should go. I'm freaking out a little. I have also lost sight of what to be thankful for and have spent a lot of days grumbling and complaining.

But today that changed. Situations are still the same, but my perspective and reaction to them doesn't have to be. Thankfulness really does lift you up above your circumstances and gaining perspective has a way of bringing peace.

A Few Things I am Thankful For:

1. Friends that encourage me and walk this crazy journey of life with me and make me laugh when I'm crying. Whether they live 500 miles away or 10 miles away I seriously have some of the best friends anyone could ask for.
2. That I am able to be in Florida a week from today to spend time with my family!!
3. A job I love. Sometimes I think it's weird that I'm content in my job and not searching for the next best thing or saying I would rather be doing fill in the blank...nope I like it right here. And even though a lot of my stress and sadness comes from this job at the end of the day I can still say I love it. Because this is more than just a job...it's my life and my community and the way I see God's Kingdom come to Earth a little bit each day in a different way...God didn't say this life would be easy. And if we quit when things got hard where would we be?
4. The Hunger Games and Harry Potter. Just finished the last Harry Potter book...loved each one! Read The Hunger Games awhile go but just saw the movie...so good!
5. That Nashville has turned into home and it's a city I love. If you would have told me 3 years ago I would be living in Nashville and loving it, I would have laughed in your face.
6. Laughter.
7. Good roommates. I just got a new one and it could have been a disaster, but it isn't.
8. Lots of good friends who have babies that I get to love, snuggle and cuddle with.
9. A super comfortable bed.
10. March Madness. Even though my Spartans disappointed, it's still fun to watch all the games.

Be Part of the Answer.

The other day I had a long conversation with a friend. We talked some about things she was going through, we talked about my day, we talked about how life can be hard and how it can suck. After we talked she looked at me and said, "Thank you. You just make me feel so much better." Or something to that effect and it got me thinking.

You see...I have been praying for this friend a lot lately. Praying that she would feel comfort and peace and know that she's going to be okay. I prayed that the Lord would cement in her heart his love for her and her friends and family love for her. After she said that to me I realized that God just used me to answer part of my own prayer. How many times do we pray and forget that we can be part of the answer? Prayer also requires action.

How many times do we pray for friends who are going through hard times to feel peace and comfort and understood? Do we really live our lives in ways that show we want to be part of the answering of these prayers? Do we ever pray this and forget we can pick up the phone, make a coffee date, or write an encouraging note to them? I know there's an extent where the practicality (is this a word?) runs out and there are wounds only the Lord can heal, but I'm convinced He can and wants to use us in that process.

I pray that the teenage girls I spend time with would feel loved, valued, and know their lives matter. Ever since realizing this I've now asked myself each day how can I be a part of showing them they feel loved, valued and that that they matter and praying God would use me.

So just ask yourself next time you find yourself praying for a friend, a family member, a co-worker or that stranger on the street corner. What can you do to be part of the answer? Praying that they would feel Christ's love for them? Show them love. Praying they would feel comfort? Give them a hug. Praying they will get out of their funk? Plan a fun day with them. Praying that man on the street corner would find a home? Buy the newspaper he's selling.

Are you truly praying in a way that you're ready for God to use you as part of the solution?

You have worth.

The topic of discussion at church this month as been "The One and Only You". We've talked about the worth we have and the fact that the Creator of the Universe loves us. That the truest things about us are what God says about us. The fact that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

God has seemed to be placing this message in front of me often the last few weeks whether it's through church, discussions I've had, or random references and it really got my attention today. I realized how much I long to affirm in people their worth and show them why. I want everyone I come in contact with to be listened to, heard, valued, and cherished.

Almost daily I look into the eyes of a child, teenager, or adult and see that they really don't think they matter. I know I've been there. Thinking your life doesn't matter, that you're just taking up space, that your life has no importance. But it's simply not true.

So if anyone is actually reading this please be reminded of this today:

You are important. You were created for a purpose. The Lord rejoices over you with singing and you were fearfully and wonderfully made. No matter what anyone has told you are loved by the Creator of the Universe and the Maker of the Heavens and Earth. You are the only you so there's no reason to waste time trying to be someone else. God created you for a reason and you are beautiful.

My prayer is that God would give me the opportunity to show people this truth especially the beautiful girls I get to work with each week. This truth gets lost so easily in a world saturated with the idea that who you are and what you have just isn't good enough.

I want to change that.