23 Things.

Last year I made a list of 22 things that I learned or that happened in my 22 years of life on my birthday and my birthday just came to a close so I decided to continue on the tradition. So here is a list of 23 things...things that I've learned this past year and things that have happened.

1. I love to travel. Once again it was a good year filled with road trips back and forth to Michigan, visits to Seattle and a super fun family trip to Florida with us all.

2. I realized the phrase "count your blessings" is very wise. I am so blessed by the people in my life and the place the Lord has me and I take it all for granted too easily.

3. True friendship and community is beyond valuable. My friendships and community in Nashville has grown in size and depth this last year and for that I'm so thankful.

4. My love for music and for good music has expanded this year. I love hearing what people are listening to and discovering new bands. I got to go to a lot of great concerts this year too! One of which was Ray LaMontagne and another The Civil Wars...both so so good!!

5. Be the person you would want to be friends with. Do what you would want others to do.

6. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and gain perspective of your current situation. It makes a world of a difference.

7.  I love seeing plays and musicals. I got to see Les Miserables and Dreamgirls at TPAC and they were both so great!

8. A continued struggle I wrestle with is asking where do I receive my validation? My people pleasing tendencies make me seek the approval of others, but I'm reminded continually how our validation must come from God and our identity as a child of His.

9. Do today well. We are not guaranteed tomorrow.

10. Boundaries. Ugh...I'm constantly learning what it means to have boundaries in my life and it's hard. This will probably be highlighted again in my 24th year of life.

11. I think in my 23rd year of life I had about 20 friends who either had a baby or were pregnant. The last week of December three friends had babies. It is a little out of control, but also so beautiful. I have learned more about birth, breast feeding, and baby life than I knew before, but I guess I would need to know this all eventually right?

12. I love to laugh. I know almost everyone would say they love to laugh, but I've realized I really love to laugh. There's just nothing better than watching a movie and laughing til there's tears in your eyes or staying up late with a friend laughing until your stomach hurts or having a whole conversation in jokes (right Mandy Smith). :)

13. I love my family. They have turned into "just parents" and "just siblings" to best friends and I'm so thankful for that.

14. I would take time to look back on how the Lord has worked. I re-read old  journals and it may seem silly, but every time my picture screen saver comes up I let it go on for awhile and I just reminisced and took in all the places I have been, all the people that have blessed my life, and all the good that the Lord has done.

15. Rest. I've tried to obey when it says, "Sabbath". I am not meant to save the world and I can only do so much. If Jesus even had to go off by himself and spent time alone, how much more do I need to?

16.  God cares more about the important people in your life than you ever will. This was hard for me, but the moment I realized this I felt so much freedom. Worry and stress aren't going to take me anywhere. God loves my family, friends, and the kids and adults I work with way more than I ever will.

17. Patience. The Creator of the universe has the future in his hands so why do I worry.

18. I am me. I need to stop wasting time trying to be someone else because I can't. I have started to love the ee Cummings quote, "It takes courage to grow up to become who you really are."

19. Read the book Cold Tangerines. One of the best books I've read. Every woman should read it. One of the things I always remember from it, "I want my every day to make God laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves it."

20. I really love my job. I love doing what I believe I am called to do. I love the people I work with. I love mentoring teenage girls and for the opportunity to pour into their lives.

21. It's okay to say no. This was hard to learn and is still a struggle. I had to step away from some responsibilities and learn that it is okay to say no. I can't do everything and no one is going to hate me for saying no to something that I wouldn't be able to do well.

22. I've learned to appreciate good food. I love to eat at local restaurants and I've also learned to love all different types of food. Thai food, Mexican food, Sushi, Italian, Chinese, and the list goes on and on!

23.  God is good. Period. End of story.

Year 23 was great. I'm ready for 24...I think it's gonna be a good one. :)

2011.

On New Year's Eve I complained to one of my friends that 2011 wasn't that great and nothing too exciting happened in my life. We then proceeded to clinking our glasses to the tune of "let's hope 2012 is a little more eventful." Well I had a longer than planned trip back to Nashville and during that time I think the Lord wanted to remind me how wrong I was. I was flooded with just the goodness of this past year.

No, nothing too exciting happened in my life in particular, but this last year was good. I learned so much about myself and gained new perspectives. Walls were torn down in my life and the work that God did in my life and others was clearly identified in many ways. And I realized this last year there was a lot of celebrating! Friends graduated from college, babies were born, new jobs obtained, and weddings celebrated. I'm blessed to live the life I live and it doesn't have to be defined by "exciting" things.

Blessings in my life:

This last year I've gotten to know my friends Jenn and Tricia better and they and Mandy and I and have become quite the "wolf pack" this year. :)

I was able to go home in May to celebrate my friend, Sara's wedding.

I got to visit my brother, sister-in-law, sister and friends in Seattle.

My roommate Amanda got married! I was honored to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.

My job continues to bless me each day. I love what I do and the fact that I wake up each morning with the opportunity to work with the staff, families, and kids that I do. My Harvest Hands family is such a blessing to me and I am thankful to be a part of it. I'm especially excited about new baby Brooklyn that is the newest addition to the family!

I got to know my church family better and they have truly become such an important part of my community here in Nashville.

Wall.

I feel like a wall has been torn down in my heart, in my mind, and in my soul. Something has been preventing me from fully experiencing God's love and expressing it the way it should be for the last few weeks, months, and maybe even year. And I feel like I can see clearly now. Like the scales have fallen from my eyes.

I'm not quite sure I can explain it but I'm thankful for a God that continues to pursue us even if we're not sure we want to be pursued. I'm thankful for a God who listens to our confession and speaks to us in our repentance. I'm thankful for a God who uses a string of little things to break down a huge barrier.

And I'm thankful for a Savior who stands in front of us and says, "I am". I am the one who will carry your burdens, I am the one who brings light in the darkness, I am the one who can handle your pain, I am the one that loves you no matter, I am the one who works for your good, I am the one who has been here even when you don't acknowledge me.

I am the one who loves you even when you don't think you feel it.

Praise God.

Identity.

I've been thinking lately. I feel like I'm going through a quarter-life crisis. If that even exists. I can't really articulate what I've been thinking because it's all over the place, but one thing I've been asking is who am I? What are my gifts and strengths? Where exactly am I placing my identity?

I stumbled upon a blog this morning and it was a great read for all that I've been thinking about lately. One thing she mentioned was how we get into the comparison game. I spend a lot of time thinking if only I was more organized, or super creative, or more outgoing and she brought up a good point,

"Instead of comparing, we need to ask God who he wants me to be, and then do that well."

"Clothe yourself in the unique identity Christ has for you, not comparing yourself to others."

God has created me to be me and no one else. I needed that reminder today. I can only do me well. It's a waste of time trying to be someone else.  This is something I know and have come a long way in being confident in who God has created me to be, but it's always nice to have a reminder and realize I'm not the only one who struggles every now and again.

So, who am I? I am a daughter, sister, friend, mentor, co-worker, sports fan, encourager, worry-wort, sometimes too sensitive, peacekeeper, and with all the good and the bad most importantly I am a child of God. And even if all else fails praise the Lord I can hang on to that fact. :)

Remembering Zambia.

I stumbled upon emails I wrote from Zambia tonight. I read one and that of course lead me to reading all of them. This lead me to think about how that trip has shaped me into who I am today.  Someone responded to one of my updates by saying:

"Like Joshua, you can “place a stone” when you come home, to remember how the Lord worked in your life. For when the “daily-ness” of life is there and you wonder about God – you look at your “stones” and see that yes, He still works, He still is true!" 

I'm thankful that I can look back and see how God worked and realize because he worked then He is continuing to work today. Reading those emails brought me back to my time in Zambia and brought tears to my eyes. That experience is nothing I can fully express to anyone. It taught me so much and was life changing. I read things from my email updates like:

"The poverty and circumstances we saw at all these villages was devastating. Each night I came back feeling overwhelmed and confused. We came into contact with about 500 orphans in four days, that makes 1000 parents that have died. Just thinking about that fact alone is hard. Most of the children are malnourished and many had HIV/AIDS."

It's interesting because looking back and reading about the villages we visited they were approaching this devastation in such a community development way. I don't think I even realized it then, but what I learned there and saw there was exactly what I felt called to do in my own backyard, I just didn't know it yet. One of the last emails I received from my brother when I was in Zambia said this:

 

"I pray God cements things in your heart so no amount of America takes away what you have learned."

This happened. God cemented the things in my heart that I learned in Africa and those shaped who I have become. I didn't return the same person and I'm not the same person. I could go on and on with how almost every day something happened in Zambia that links to where God has me now, it's crazy. I'm so thankful today to be reminded of how the Lord works. It's been three years, but Zambia is never far from my thoughts and prayers.

And since pictures are just great here are a few of my favorites from Zambia.

Some of the kiddos and I.

My team at Victoria Falls. The most beautiful place I've ever been!

All the kids wanted was to hold our hands.

Walking through a village with a little girl.