21 Things About Whole 30.

30 days ago I started whole30. Whole30 is basically a way of eating for 30 days that consists of eating "whole" foods...No sugar, no additives, or to put it simply - you can eat meat, veggies and fruits. It's not really a diet, but a way to eliminate foods from your diet to get back to the basics of food. They say to, "Think of it as a short-term nutritional reset, designed to help you put an end to unhealthy cravings and habits, restore a healthy metabolism, heal your digestive tract, and balance your immune system."

Because I like to make lists and a lot of people have asked about my experience here are 21 things I thought or experienced while doing whole30.

21 Things About Whole30

1. You can't do it without accountability. I have to give credit where credit's due...Jenn did all the research and was the motivating force behind whole30. She got us started on it because everyone knows there's no way I would have stuck to this by myself...teamwork makes the whole30 dream work.

2. It makes you realize how dependent you are on food. It was just as much of a psychological struggle to break habits of eating not great foods and sugar as it is a physical struggle. You also realize how often you mindlessly eat something or eat just because you're bored.

3. The whole30 timeline was pretty spot on for me. The first day seemed like no big deal, day4-5 I really wanted to kill all the things and I had no energy for awhile. At one point I was at the grocery store trying to pull two carts apart and it's like my arms couldn't move. I had zero energy. A store employee walked over and pulled them apart with no struggle whatsoever, while giving me a look that said, what the heck is wrong with you? Why couldn't you do that?

4. Just what you need. This became my mantra. I really was only eating just what my body needed, but it also applied to other areas of my life. I was able to take a step back to determine only what I needed and that served me well these 30 days.

5. Going to kickboxing on day 3 is a bad idea. Trust me, just don't do it.

6. Food is fuel. Another mantra I had. Realizing food's purpose should be to give us the energy and fuel we need...it shouldn't be a reward, a way to appease boredom, or to make us feel good. Also, sugar definitely doesn't fuel our bodies. I've had way more energy without it than I ever had with it.

7. It's a privilege. Whole30 takes a lot of time and resources. I realize that it's definitely a privilege to even be able to choose to do it in the first place. I know that being annoyed that I have to make my lunch again or spend time meal planning for the week is not an option everyone has. I'm very thankful I had the opportunity to do this.

8. So many things revolve around food! I didn't think about how many social gatherings and activities revolve around food and how I wouldn't be able to do as much. This just made me get more creative about how to see people and also take the 30 days to slow down and focus on that mantra of just what I needed. But it also made me feel like a little bit of a hermit.

9. Sugar is toxic and everywhere. Seriously...I never realized how sugar is in EVERYTHING. Think the chicken from Panera is safe? Think again. It is cooked IN SUGAR! And how good I've felt without consuming sugar the last 30 days makes me realize just how bad it is for us.

10. You can get angry. Angry because you're tired of meal planning forever, angry because you're tired of cooking all your food from scratch, angry because you forgot your lunch, or angry because you just want to go out to eat but there's literally nothing you can eat out except salad with no dressing and who likes salad without dressing...

11. I really didn't have cravings for too many foods. This surprised me the most, but I was also really glad about it. I craved the act of going out to eat, meeting up with friends for meals and not having to be so prepared all the time more than I craved any specific food.

12. It confirmed that I'm really not a huge fan of meat. On whole30 you eat A LOT of meat, like all the meat. And I just can't do it. Also,  did you know canned salmon can come with all the bones in it...well I didn't and then I learned. It was disgusting and I just can't.

13. People are nice about it. I didn't go around broadcasting that I was doing this because who likes people that go on and on about all of their dietary restrictions (especially when they're self-imposed), but when I had to let people know because it affected a meeting or plans people were very understanding and nice.

14.  I had crazy dreams. I already have pretty weird and vivid dreams on the regular, but this took it to a different level. I also had dreams that I would eat something I wasn't supposed to and wake up feeling nervous or guilty. Most of my dreams revolved around french fries. Weird.

15. Realizing you can have something you didn't think you could have is so exciting. And so is finding whole30 approved items at the grocery store. Including, but not limited to almond butter, unsweetened applesauce and bacon.

16. You become part of "the group". If I told someone I was doing whole30 and they have done it too all they had to ask was, "what day are you on" and we had an instant connection. Solidarity.

17. It takes a lot of self-control. I mean this is obvious, but you don't know how much it's tested until you're at a video shoot and there's cookies, donuts and candy on a table that you walk past every five minutes. You either avoid eye contact or stare them down while chanting no, no, no in your head.

18. On day 5...I love that I can eat so many potatoes and eggs! On day 20...I am so sick of eating potatoes and eggs. You do get food boredom and have to get creative in what you eat, but it's basically the same variation of the same foods over and over again.

19. You get tired of chewing. It's possible to stop eating not because you're full, but just because you're tired of chewing. Eating all whole foods often times means more chewing and eating more food to get full and sometimes you just get tired.

20. I feel great. I can't believe how good I feel and how much more energy I have. My brain isn't fuzzy, I can focus and my body just feels good. There's lots of crazy stories about how eating this way has eliminated health problems and other cool stuff, but I think everyone should at least give it a try if they can. I'm glad I did!

21. This was supposed to be a list of 30 things about whole30. But I got tired of thinking of things and I want to celebrate this 30th day by going to bed. Also, a list of 30 is a long list. So I leave you with this whole30 haiku.

Whole30 is hard

But it is worth it and good

You should do it too

What Fear Does To Us.

I'm tired of people spreading fear.

All the fear mongering is exhausting.

Fear mongering - the action of deliberately arousing public fear or alarm about a particular issue.

For someone who has anxiety and fights against being motivated by fear on a daily basis, I don't need others bringing my attention to what else I need to be scared of.

Seeing so much rhetoric being rooted in fear just makes me tired. It makes me wonder why we so easily buy into it. It definitely makes me question Christians swift bout of amnesia about that whole "perfect love casts out fear" idea.

We so easily forget that the Bible we say we believe in also says things like, "God hasn't given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." I don't think we look very loving or of sound mind these days.

Because if you claim to follow Jesus, fear should never be your motivating factor. To buy into the mantra "make America safe again" is buying into fear, it's allowing people in power to trump the truth that we should know (pun intended)...being motivated by fear is not living or loving.

This Is What Fear Does to Us...

It shuts us down. It paralyzes us. It makes us clench our fists instead of open our hands.

It makes us build walls and slam doors instead of making room at the table and remembering that everyone belongs. It ramps up our privilege and American exceptionalism to say, "Yeah...we deserve the best. We worked for this. We are entitled to this and no one else is."

Fear moves us towards hate, towards lines in the sand against us and them, and towards pointing fingers. It moves us towards crossing the street when someone in need is hurt.

Fear loves this idea of other. It drives us away from each other. It gives a reason for why we don't have to love others the way we love ourselves because "they are not like us."

Fear removes personhood and humanity from people. Fear strips our ability to see the image of God in every person we come in contact with. You can't truly believe everyone deserves to have their dignity affirmed if you're so caught up in being scared of the other that you won't engage with them.

It's easy to buy into fear. It's easy to get swept up in group think and think the way everyone else does. But are we really called to live an easy life?

Nothing easy is usually worth doing. It's a lot harder to go against the grain, to love our enemies, to stand up for the poor and marginalized...to live a life that Jesus modeled.

Fear creates reactions and responses in us that basically go against everything Jesus talked about.

Fear makes us collapse into ourselves and look inward instead of outward. It cuts us off from generosity and empathy.

There's no room for light to shine when fear is involved. Fear smothers the light and makes sure everything stays cloaked in darkness and shadows.

Outsmart Fear

It's easy for me to talk about fear because I fight against that smothering feeling every day.

The world needs us to be smarter than the fear mongers. It needs us to remember we are global citizens and to think creatively for solutions that humanize people rather than dehumanize them.

When we are consumed by fear there is no room for love. There is no room for relationship or listening or grace. Fear escalates into hate and we aren't supposed to be people of hate.

If you claim to follow Jesus, we need to remember that our only job is to love. And building walls and supporting any action that marginalizes a people group doesn't look like love to me.

The very people Jesus says to pay attention to are the very people that are getting shamed, blamed, and bullied and when that happens that doesn't look like any kind of gospel I'm familiar with.

I don't intend for this to be a political post, but it's hard for it not to be when that's where a lot of fear mongering is coming from. But I've also heard pastors preach fear from the pulpit and you hear it from the media every day. The people that try to tell you you're not safe are often times the ones trying to make you afraid of something in the first place.

Instilling fear in people is a great way to control and manipulate - so unfortunately it can come from anyone in a position of power.

All politics aside and just for the sake of humanity really...regardless of who you identify with politically, remember that our identity isn't in Republican or Democrat, American or not American, documented or undocumented or fill in the blank...we need to be working towards a WORLD that is about loving each other, creating space for things to be the way they should be - where there is room for everyone, where justice prevails, where grace and mercy triumph and where there is love, love and more love.

I desire to see a world where fear doesn't prevail because love does. Love drives out fear.

Again.

My heart is heavy and my eyes are not dry. Again. In the past two days, we've seen two black men killed executed by the police. Again.

I've seen post after post by my black friends about how they're treated like their lives don't matter, how they live in fear for their black sons, brothers and nephews. Again.

We see #blacklivesmatter and the names of the victims on social media over and over. Again.

I watch and hear the media try to spin the story and diminish black people's lived experiences. Again.

We hear people claim but "all lives matter," who somehow seem to blame the victims, who seem to miss the blatant truth staring them in the face. Again.

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The ignorance that many people have around this cannot keep happening.

White friends we CANNOT choose ignorance anymore. We CANNOT sit idly by while human beings are being killed by the people who are supposed to "serve and protect."

We CANNOT ignore the fact that:

Black men represent less than 10% of all Americans but over 40% of unarmed people killed by American police.

OR

Unarmed African-American men and boys are an astounding 700% more likely to be shot and killed by police than unarmed white men. In fact, unarmed black men and boys are killed at almost the same rate by police as armed white men.

We CANNOT diminish the lived experiences of black men and women in our country because their perspective and their stories MATTER. And if you don't know their perspective or stories, listen. Here's one place to start.

We CANNOT turn a blind eye to the systemic racism and injustices that weave this country together and make it run.

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor, Desmond Tutu says, and I refuse to be neutral.

We should care so much about justice and for everyone whose skin is not white to be treated in a way where they do not have to be fearful for their lives that we cannot be neutral.

///

I know that because I am white, I will never understand what it's like to be treated like I am disposable and that my life doesn't matter. When I saw police I always assumed they were there to help. The ones who make sure everyone is okay.

But that's my story and that story is really only true for white people.

Instead of getting pulled over for a "busted tail light" or asked why I'm in a certain area of town, I get pulled over and asked if I know where I am and am I lost because "don't you know what kind of area this is."

The examples and experiences I have to show the difference between the white lived experience in America and black lived experience in America are too vast to list here.

It is terrifying to think about my friends, my soon to be brother-in-law and nephews, and kids who I love so much not having anyone there to protect them...to be fearful of the very people who are supposed to help. 

///

To my white friends, family, coworkers, neighbors and strangers please open your eyes and your ears to see and hear the injustice that plague non-white people each and every day.

Choose to not be a white moderate, who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice - remember that shallow understanding from people of goodwill is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will and lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection [MLK JR].

Make the choice to listen, to understand your bias, to understand why there's no such thing as "reverse racism" and to see outside your limited perspective.

Make the choice to be better.

To my black friends, family, neighbors and strangers, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you have to live in a world where your story isn't heard, where there are too many experiences to share that your life doesn't seem to count as much as others and where you have to carry the weight and burden of fear, racism and injustice.

///

I believe that justice is meant to roll down like a river and righteousness like a never-failing stream so I will say #blacklivesmatter. Again, and again, and again.

A letter to my younger self.

Life is hard. That's normal and it's okay. Trying to figure out why it's hard isn't really worth it. Just know that things that are hard are usually worth it. Life is worth it.

Your thoughts and feelings may not always match what people say you should think or feel. Your goals and desires may not look like how others define success.

You may see things reflected in the world around you or in the church about how women should be and it makes you scratch your head because you and many of the women you know don't fit in those boxes. Constantly, you'll hear, you should, you should, you should ... but you don't have to listen to it.

That urge you have to shrink down in your seat, to cross your arms, to hunch over, to withdraw to the corner or apologize for taking up space is going to be there, but you don't have to listen to it.

That immediate response you have to apologize when someone bumps into you or when you stumble over your words will be on the tip of your tongue, but you don't have to say it.

You don't have to be anything or check off the should boxes.  You never have to make yourself small. You never have to apologize for taking up space.

You were meant to live big. To live into your gifts and into your strengths. When people stay true to themselves and live into who they were created to be...that's big and that's powerful.

You carry a lot of shame and that makes you feel small.

Shame knows no boundaries. It eats at our souls and constantly makes us believe we're not enough. But we don't have to listen to it.

Shame makes us believe something is wrong with us. That we are wrong. That we can't be who we are. But that's a lie.

Shame flourishes in the dark. It whispers that no one will understand, that we can't admit to this and we're the only one.

That's bullshit.

We are meant to be who we are.We are meant to take up space. We are not meant to be silent. We are meant to speak our truth.

So who should you be?

You should be you. Your full self with all of the messiness, anxiety, joy, love, anger, sadness, craziness, humor and personality that makes you, you.

You are powerful.

You are strong.

You are enough.

You can do hard things.

You can be brave.

So be who you are and by doing that you'll help others find the freedom and confidence to do the same.

We're all connected.

There’s a lot of division around us these days…it’s an election year so I guess that’s to be expected. But it's about more than just politics.

What is most striking to me with all the debates, with all the finger pointing, with all the hate and fear and talk of shutting down our borders is that we’ve forgotten to see the humanity in people. Finger pointing, fear mongering and exclusion create space for the humanity of people to be erased.

We should never seek to erase people. We should never forget each other.

I think in pictures most of the time. When I think of the world and humanity, I have always pictured all of us connected. It’s like there’s a thin string connecting each of us to one another.

All beautifully different, but still connected. We need to look past what makes us call someone “other” and see the humanity in one another. We need to recognize that we are not separate.

Richard Rohr says,

A saint sees things in their connectedness. They don't see everything as separate. It's all one. What you do to your neighbor, you do to yourself and how you love yourself is how you love your neighbor. How you love God is how you love yourself and how you love yourself is how you love God. It's all one. How you do anything is how you do everything.

It's like we've forgotten that we're supposed to love one another. For too long we’ve dehumanized people. For too long we’ve put some lives over other’s lives. For too long we’ve promoted a message that some people, whether it’s because of where they live, where they were born, what color their skin is, what their occupation is or how much money they have, they are more important than another.

This way of thinking has become engrained in our systems, in our actions, in the words we say, in the way we treat each other, in the way we vote, the policies we support and sometimes even the things we preach.

For too long we have forgotten to truly see each other and to see how we are all connected.

I believe God created each and every single person. And therefore, they deserve to be seen. They deserve to be treated with love, dignity and respect. I know I don’t always do this well, so I’m asking God to help me see.

Help me see how we are all connected. Remind me that we belong to one another. Help me recognize that we each have the image of God stamped on us.

Richard Rohr goes on to say,

Faith is recognizing things in their deepest meaning. To be a person of faith means to see people as inherently connected to God and connected to yourself and therefore they must be worthy of love and dignity.

To me, when I see that connection between myself and someone else things make more sense and become clear. It makes sense why we would want to welcome the stranger. It leads to a deeper understanding of why we need to declare Black Lives Matter. It helps us see that people don't deserve to be treated less than and that the table is big enough for everyone.

We begin to see the error in exclusivity and that any kind of theology or policy that dehumanizes or marginalizes people is not truth.

We begin to recognize that string that connects each of us to one another.

This is my prayer for myself and for you today...

May we seek to be saints who see our connectedness. Who do not forget about each other.

May we have the courage to speak out against the systems, the actions and the policies that seek to erase and dehumanize people.

May we seek to be people of faith that see the world more deeply and realize that how we do anything is how we do everything.

May we seek to affirm the dignity in every person we meet.

May we move from just seeing others to recognizing the image of God represented in them.

Amen.