We Can't Turn Away.

Have you seen the video of two little boys whose brother was just killed by a bomb in Syria? It's heart-breaking. It's gut-wrenching. No one should have to experience that. I sobbed as I watched it.

Eugene Cho shared this video and said, "Human pain. I want to turn away but can't. We can't. It's so very complicated and messy but we can't turn away from the real human pain. To do so...would make us less human."

For a long time I used to turn away. I hate to admit it, but even now there's times where I just can't watch. Or I just can't hear about another bad thing. Or I just can't see another injustice happen. What a privilege I have to choose to not feel pain.

But every time I make that choice I feel myself resort into myself a little bit more. I step a little bit farther away from humanity. Like Eugene says, I become a little less human.

Just because we don't see or acknowledge something doesn't mean it's not there. And that's the problem. When we turn away or refuse to see, we ignore people. Human souls who are hurting and situations that are not okay.

One of the most memorable scenes from a movie for me is in Hotel Rwanda. It's about the genocide of the Tutsi people that occurred.

There's an American journalist there filming and the Rwandan man tells him that he's glad he's filming so the world can see what's happening and intervene. The journalist looks at him and basically says, is it still worth showing even if no one intervenes? The Rwandan replies, who would not intervene after witnessing such atrocities? And the journalist says this:

I think if people see this footage they'll say, "oh my God that's horrible," and then go on eating their dinners.

I will never forget how I felt after I heard him say that. My stomach recoiled and I shook my head because I know it's true.

When we are steeped in privilege, it's too easy to turn away.

I am in no way a proponent of shoveling on guilt or exploiting other's pain to make someone feel a certain way. But we can't ignore the pain.

As an extremely empathetic and highly sensitive person  I am never short on feelings. Other's feelings and emotions have a way of clinging to me and seeping into my soul if I let them. There's a reason I have always wanted to avoid painful things or the "bad" type of feelings.

But we can't. Like Eugene says, it makes us less human. When we turn away and refuse to see, we're snipping that cord of connection that could be there to connect a girl in America to a little boy in Syria.

When we refuse to acknowledge black men being gunned down by police, we're taking a step into our comfort zone and safety net and refusing to see.

That's what privilege does to us. Whether it's the privilege afforded to us because of our skin color, where we were born, our economic level or our gender...it blocks our ability to see. Not until we acknowledge it's there and take a step outside of our comfort zone and limited perspective will we truly see.

We can't be fully connected to each other and to humanity if we refuse to acknowledge each other's pain.

We can't be fully connected to each other and to humanity if we diminish other's lived experiences with comments like, "yeah, that's horrible" and "that sucks, but it's all the way across the world."

We can't be fully connected to each other if we don't listen. If we don't hear each other's stories and hear what it's like to have a lived experience that doesn't look like our own.

We can't be fully connected to each other if we do not SEE each other.

The same God that made me, made you and that same God made a little Syrian boy...we all deserve the right to life, the right to live, the right to be affirmed and to be seen.

While I sit here and say don't turn away, allow yourself to be fully human by acknowledging and feeling other's pain, and see how we're all connected I wish I had more concrete answers.

I do know it's not okay. I do know I can't turn away from other's pain. I do know that is starts with seeing. It starts with acknowledging other's lived experiences.

We may look, but are we truly seeing?

Turn Away from Pain

For the dreamers.

A few weeks ago I took a step to turn a dream I've had for awhile into reality. After I took that step, I felt like I should have had a band playing some kind of celebration song or a group of people singing hip hip hooray or something. Doesn't my big moment like this deserve all the pomp and circumstance?

andy celebrate

Instead I hung up the phone as the cursor on the blank screen of my computer blinked back at me, reminding me that grants won't write themselves.

I used to think I wasn't much of a dreamer. I guess I was living in denial of the fact that I spend most of my time in my own head. I constantly live in this tension of my dreams for my life and where I may be going and where I am right now. It's a delicate balance.

I've also always been someone who is guilty of wishing my life away. I get really excited about things that I want to do and I want them to happen right now.

I am totally an instant gratification person.

This makes it hard when I have an idea or a dream because I want it to happen as soon as I think of it. And then when it doesn't, I often dismiss it or move on to something else...I'm not always the most patient person.

I'm realizing big dreams come to fruition and ideas are realized when we're willing to take those faithful steps. When we're willing to do the work. Unfortunately, magic wands don't exist and instant gratification doesn't build much character.

It's easy to get caught up in the big shining moments, to only think about when your dream actually comes true or your idea is fully realized, but I think the real beauty comes in the small moments before that.

Those moments that lead us to our big dream. The moments that lead us to accomplishing something we've worked really hard at. The moments we look back on and see how that little faithful step and that little decision all worked together to get us here.

I'm not great at appreciating those small moments.

But when I look back on my life and the times I have been patient, where I've been able to see those small moments and faithful steps, that's where I see so much beauty. It's where I see myself come alive, where I see myself inching towards wholeness.

Sometimes in the waiting is when the real transformation happens. Usually it's the process of doing something that makes it worth it. What dreams are worth dreaming or goals worth attaining if it didn't take some work or sacrifice? Would we appreciate it as much?

I'm not sure we would.

This year has been one of appreciating the small moments, discerning the next step and taking it...even if it's just inch by inch. It's been a year of trusting in the waiting space and being patient. It's been a year of learning to do the work and remembering most things worth doing aren't usually easy.

So here's to me and here's to you - dreamers, goal-setters, idea generators:

May we dream big dreams and have grand ideas.

May we stay faithful in the small moments as those are the puzzle pieces that create the bigger picture.

May be realize sometimes the right progress isn't always taken in leaps and bounds, but inch by inch.

May we have the courage to take that step and know that sometimes all we can do is the next right thing.

May we trust the time of waiting, knowing it has significance.

May we remember that we can do hard things and sometimes we just need to do the work.

Dream your dreams, set those goals, have your ideas.

Because the world needs more dreamers.

Be a dreamer that has the courage to do the work, to cherish the small moments and don't forget it's totally okay to celebrate when you see those dreams come true.

May we not forget to celebrate even the small moments.

abby dancing

(I'm always available to do a happy dance for you and all the bold, big or small steps you take towards your dream...GIF by the talented Dan Wilson)

9 Things I Learned This Summer

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When you're an adult, summer doesn't really mean what it did when you're a kid...no break from school (unless you're a teacher), no care-free nothing-to-do days or trips to summer camp. I have not transitioned well into the summers of adulthood...I miss the long breaks, the change in schedule and I hate being hot. And it's hotter than hades in Nashville. I am basically the grinch of summer. I know it's so many people's favorite season, but I don't share those feelings.

grinch

Anyway...my dislike of summer is not the point of the post. The point is to share what I've learned in this oh so wonderful season of summer. An author I love, Emily P. Freeman, does a series each month about what she's learned and she invites others to do the same. This time we cover the whole summer season, rather than just the month.

So without further ado (and to help me focus on things besides how it's possible to sweat so much in one day or how I re-evaluate my decision to not go into teaching so I could get summer off), here is what I learned this summer.

9 Things I Learned This Summer

1. I actually do love Gilmore Girls. This show used to annoy me when I was in high school and I would watch it sometimes, but I never understood what the big deal was. I understand now. Forgive my unbelief fellow Gilmore Girl lovers.

gilmore girls

2. Life is better when your car has air conditioning. I've spent the last two summers with no air in my car because it was too expensive to fix. I like to think it toughened me up and made me be able to handle the heat better, but when your roommate looks at you in all seriousness and says, "you really need to get your air fixed this summer, you'll be a better human" you take her advice. Now I just revel in the cold air that comes out of the vents.

pochahantus

 

3. Hamilton. Need I even say more? Yes, I have jumped on the bandwagon and am obsessed. If you don't know why it's the best just watch the video. Broadway, history, incredible music, The Schuyler Sisters, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Leslie Odom Jr., debates are actually rap battles, I mean...need I go on? If you haven't heard or seen anything about Hamilton, begin watching at the 2:00 mark below and you can thank me later.

[embed]https://youtu.be/5Y5KuohVJMQ[/embed]

4. It's okay to turn your brain off for a season. The last few months I had all of these plans of things to write, books to read, podcasts to listen to, but I just couldn't. When I'm not able to do these things, things that usually bring me life, it means I need to rest and turn my brain off for awhile. The season lasted longer than I was expecting, but it was just what I needed.

andy

5. Time with friends and family is priceless. One thing I DO love about summer is it usually means more opportunity to see friends and family. Jenn and I took a trip to the West Coast where I got to see my family too, my Zambian teammates came to stay with me, we had our 2nd Annual Friendcation and I was able to spend some time at home in Michigan. 40856

6. I LOVE kickboxing! I have never loved working out, but I've finally found something that I enjoy doing. It's the hardest workout I've ever done, but I actually enjoy it. Mostly because it makes my brain shut off for a whole hour, it's a good workout, it's fun and you don't even have to wear shoes.

kickboxing

7. Canned salmon can have all the bones in it. I tried to be an adult and power through de-boning the salmon, but after gagging multiple times I decided to stop. I don't do well with food that too closely resembles a live animal. This was a result of my whole30 journey.

i don't like it

8. It is possible to stay home every night just to watch TV because...THE OLYMPICS. It's been even better because a group of friends have basically been here every night watching with me.

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9. GIFs are my new love language.

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What have you learned this summer? I would love to know! Leave a comment. :)

leslie dancing

21 Things About Whole 30.

Things-I-Learned-About-Whole30 30 days ago I started whole30. Whole30 is basically a way of eating for 30 days that consists of eating "whole" foods...No sugar, no additives, or to put it simply - you can eat meat, veggies and fruits. It's not really a diet, but a way to eliminate foods from your diet to get back to the basics of food. They say to, "Think of it as a short-term nutritional reset, designed to help you put an end to unhealthy cravings and habits, restore a healthy metabolism, heal your digestive tract, and balance your immune system."

Because I like to make lists and a lot of people have asked about my experience here are 21 things I thought or experienced while doing whole30.

21 Things About Whole30

1. You can't do it without accountability. I have to give credit where credit's due...Jenn did all the research and was the motivating force behind whole30. She got us started on it because everyone knows there's no way I would have stuck to this by myself...teamwork makes the whole30 dream work.

tina and amy

2. It makes you realize how dependent you are on food. It was just as much of a psychological struggle to break habits of eating not great foods and sugar as it is a physical struggle. You also realize how often you mindlessly eat something or eat just because you're bored.

3. The whole30 timeline was pretty spot on for me. The first day seemed like no big deal, day4-5 I really wanted to kill all the things and I had no energy for awhile. At one point I was at the grocery store trying to pull two carts apart and it's like my arms couldn't move. I had zero energy. A store employee walked over and pulled them apart with no struggle whatsoever, while giving me a look that said, what the heck is wrong with you? Why couldn't you do that?

bugs bunny

4. Just what you need. This became my mantra. I really was only eating just what my body needed, but it also applied to other areas of my life. I was able to take a step back to determine only what I needed and that served me well these 30 days.

5. Going to kickboxing on day 3 is a bad idea. Trust me, just don't do it.

kristen wig going to pass out

6. Food is fuel. Another mantra I had. Realizing food's purpose should be to give us the energy and fuel we need...it shouldn't be a reward, a way to appease boredom, or to make us feel good. Also, sugar definitely doesn't fuel our bodies. I've had way more energy without it than I ever had with it.

7. It's a privilege. Whole30 takes a lot of time and resources. I realize that it's definitely a privilege to even be able to choose to do it in the first place. I know that being annoyed that I have to make my lunch again or spend time meal planning for the week is not an option everyone has. I'm very thankful I had the opportunity to do this.

8. So many things revolve around food! I didn't think about how many social gatherings and activities revolve around food and how I wouldn't be able to do as much. This just made me get more creative about how to see people and also take the 30 days to slow down and focus on that mantra of just what I needed. But it also made me feel like a little bit of a hermit.

not a part of society

9. Sugar is toxic and everywhere. Seriously...I never realized how sugar is in EVERYTHING. Think the chicken from Panera is safe? Think again. It is cooked IN SUGAR! And how good I've felt without consuming sugar the last 30 days makes me realize just how bad it is for us.

10. You can get angry. Angry because you're tired of meal planning forever, angry because you're tired of cooking all your food from scratch, angry because you forgot your lunch, or angry because you just want to go out to eat but there's literally nothing you can eat out except salad with no dressing and who likes salad without dressing...

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11. I really didn't have cravings for too many foods. This surprised me the most, but I was also really glad about it. I craved the act of going out to eat, meeting up with friends for meals and not having to be so prepared all the time more than I craved any specific food.

12. It confirmed that I'm really not a huge fan of meat. On whole30 you eat A LOT of meat, like all the meat. And I just can't do it. Also,  did you know canned salmon can come with all the bones in it...well I didn't and then I learned. It was disgusting and I just can't.

can't do it

13. People are nice about it. I didn't go around broadcasting that I was doing this because who likes people that go on and on about all of their dietary restrictions (especially when they're self-imposed), but when I had to let people know because it affected a meeting or plans people were very understanding and nice.

14.  I had crazy dreams. I already have pretty weird and vivid dreams on the regular, but this took it to a different level. I also had dreams that I would eat something I wasn't supposed to and wake up feeling nervous or guilty. Most of my dreams revolved around french fries. Weird.

15. Realizing you can have something you didn't think you could have is so exciting. And so is finding whole30 approved items at the grocery store. Including, but not limited to almond butter, unsweetened applesauce and bacon.

oh-my

16. You become part of "the group". If I told someone I was doing whole30 and they have done it too all they had to ask was, "what day are you on" and we had an instant connection. Solidarity.

17. It takes a lot of self-control. I mean this is obvious, but you don't know how much it's tested until you're at a video shoot and there's cookies, donuts and candy on a table that you walk past every five minutes. You either avoid eye contact or stare them down while chanting no, no, no in your head.

no

18. On day 5...I love that I can eat so many potatoes and eggs! On day 20...I am so sick of eating potatoes and eggs. You do get food boredom and have to get creative in what you eat, but it's basically the same variation of the same foods over and over again.

19. You get tired of chewing. It's possible to stop eating not because you're full, but just because you're tired of chewing. Eating all whole foods often times means more chewing and eating more food to get full and sometimes you just get tired.

20. I feel great. I can't believe how good I feel and how much more energy I have. My brain isn't fuzzy, I can focus and my body just feels good. There's lots of crazy stories about how eating this way has eliminated health problems and other cool stuff, but I think everyone should at least give it a try if they can. I'm glad I did!

21. This was supposed to be a list of 30 things about whole30. But I got tired of thinking of things and I want to celebrate this 30th day by going to bed. Also, a list of 30 is a long list. So I leave you with this whole30 haiku.
Whole30 is hard
But it is worth it and good
You should do it too
thumbs up leslie knope

What Fear Does To Us.

I'm tired of people spreading fear.

All the fear mongering is exhausting.

Fear mongering - the action of deliberately arousing public fear or alarm about a particular issue.

For someone who has anxiety and fights against being motivated by fear on a daily basis, I don't need others bringing my attention to what else I need to be scared of.

Seeing so much rhetoric being rooted in fear just makes me tired. It makes me wonder why we so easily buy into it. It definitely makes me question Christians swift bout of amnesia about that whole "perfect love casts out fear" idea.

We so easily forget that the Bible we say we believe in also says things like, "God hasn't given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." I don't think we look very loving or of sound mind these days.

Because if you claim to follow Jesus, fear should never be your motivating factor. To buy into the mantra "make America safe again" is buying into fear, it's allowing people in power to trump the truth that we should know (pun intended)...being motivated by fear is not living or loving.

This Is What Fear Does to Us...

It shuts us down. It paralyzes us. It makes us clench our fists instead of open our hands.

It makes us build walls and slam doors instead of making room at the table and remembering that everyone belongs. It ramps up our privilege and American exceptionalism to say, "Yeah...we deserve the best. We worked for this. We are entitled to this and no one else is."

Fear moves us towards hate, towards lines in the sand against us and them, and towards pointing fingers. It moves us towards crossing the street when someone in need is hurt.

Fear loves this idea of other. It drives us away from each other. It gives a reason for why we don't have to love others the way we love ourselves because "they are not like us."

Fear removes personhood and humanity from people. Fear strips our ability to see the image of God in every person we come in contact with. You can't truly believe everyone deserves to have their dignity affirmed if you're so caught up in being scared of the other that you won't engage with them.

It's easy to buy into fear. It's easy to get swept up in group think and think the way everyone else does. But are we really called to live an easy life?

Nothing easy is usually worth doing. It's a lot harder to go against the grain, to love our enemies, to stand up for the poor and marginalized...to live a life that Jesus modeled.

Fear creates reactions and responses in us that basically go against everything Jesus talked about.

Fear makes us collapse into ourselves and look inward instead of outward. It cuts us off from generosity and empathy.

There's no room for light to shine when fear is involved. Fear smothers the light and makes sure everything stays cloaked in darkness and shadows.

Outsmart Fear

It's easy for me to talk about fear because I fight against that smothering feeling every day.

The world needs us to be smarter than the fear mongers. It needs us to remember we are global citizens and to think creatively for solutions that humanize people rather than dehumanize them.

When we are consumed by fear there is no room for love. There is no room for relationship or listening or grace. Fear escalates into hate and we aren't supposed to be people of hate.

If you claim to follow Jesus, we need to remember that our only job is to love. And building walls and supporting any action that marginalizes a people group doesn't look like love to me.

The very people Jesus says to pay attention to are the very people that are getting shamed, blamed, and bullied and when that happens that doesn't look like any kind of gospel I'm familiar with.

I don't intend for this to be a political post, but it's hard for it not to be when that's where a lot of fear mongering is coming from. But I've also heard pastors preach fear from the pulpit and you hear it from the media every day. The people that try to tell you you're not safe are often times the ones trying to make you afraid of something in the first place.

Instilling fear in people is a great way to control and manipulate - so unfortunately it can come from anyone in a position of power.

All politics aside and just for the sake of humanity really...regardless of who you identify with politically, remember that our identity isn't in Republican or Democrat, American or not American, documented or undocumented or fill in the blank...we need to be working towards a WORLD that is about loving each other, creating space for things to be the way they should be - where there is room for everyone, where justice prevails, where grace and mercy triumph and where there is love, love and more love.

I desire to see a world where fear doesn't prevail because love does. Love drives out fear.

 

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