2011.

On New Year's Eve I complained to one of my friends that 2011 wasn't that great and nothing too exciting happened in my life. We then proceeded to clinking our glasses to the tune of "let's hope 2012 is a little more eventful." Well I had a longer than planned trip back to Nashville and during that time I think the Lord wanted to remind me how wrong I was. I was flooded with just the goodness of this past year.

No, nothing too exciting happened in my life in particular, but this last year was good. I learned so much about myself and gained new perspectives. Walls were torn down in my life and the work that God did in my life and others was clearly identified in many ways. And I realized this last year there was a lot of celebrating! Friends graduated from college, babies were born, new jobs obtained, and weddings celebrated. I'm blessed to live the life I live and it doesn't have to be defined by "exciting" things.

Blessings in my life:

This last year I've gotten to know my friends Jenn and Tricia better and they and Mandy and I and have become quite the "wolf pack" this year. :)

I was able to go home in May to celebrate my friend, Sara's wedding.

I got to visit my brother, sister-in-law, sister and friends in Seattle.

My roommate Amanda got married! I was honored to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.

My job continues to bless me each day. I love what I do and the fact that I wake up each morning with the opportunity to work with the staff, families, and kids that I do. My Harvest Hands family is such a blessing to me and I am thankful to be a part of it. I'm especially excited about new baby Brooklyn that is the newest addition to the family!

I got to know my church family better and they have truly become such an important part of my community here in Nashville.

Wall.

I feel like a wall has been torn down in my heart, in my mind, and in my soul. Something has been preventing me from fully experiencing God's love and expressing it the way it should be for the last few weeks, months, and maybe even year. And I feel like I can see clearly now. Like the scales have fallen from my eyes.

I'm not quite sure I can explain it but I'm thankful for a God that continues to pursue us even if we're not sure we want to be pursued. I'm thankful for a God who listens to our confession and speaks to us in our repentance. I'm thankful for a God who uses a string of little things to break down a huge barrier.

And I'm thankful for a Savior who stands in front of us and says, "I am". I am the one who will carry your burdens, I am the one who brings light in the darkness, I am the one who can handle your pain, I am the one that loves you no matter, I am the one who works for your good, I am the one who has been here even when you don't acknowledge me.

I am the one who loves you even when you don't think you feel it.

Praise God.

Identity.

I've been thinking lately. I feel like I'm going through a quarter-life crisis. If that even exists. I can't really articulate what I've been thinking because it's all over the place, but one thing I've been asking is who am I? What are my gifts and strengths? Where exactly am I placing my identity?

I stumbled upon a blog this morning and it was a great read for all that I've been thinking about lately. One thing she mentioned was how we get into the comparison game. I spend a lot of time thinking if only I was more organized, or super creative, or more outgoing and she brought up a good point,

"Instead of comparing, we need to ask God who he wants me to be, and then do that well."

"Clothe yourself in the unique identity Christ has for you, not comparing yourself to others."

God has created me to be me and no one else. I needed that reminder today. I can only do me well. It's a waste of time trying to be someone else.  This is something I know and have come a long way in being confident in who God has created me to be, but it's always nice to have a reminder and realize I'm not the only one who struggles every now and again.

So, who am I? I am a daughter, sister, friend, mentor, co-worker, sports fan, encourager, worry-wort, sometimes too sensitive, peacekeeper, and with all the good and the bad most importantly I am a child of God. And even if all else fails praise the Lord I can hang on to that fact. :)

Remembering Zambia.

I stumbled upon emails I wrote from Zambia tonight. I read one and that of course lead me to reading all of them. This lead me to think about how that trip has shaped me into who I am today.  Someone responded to one of my updates by saying:

"Like Joshua, you can “place a stone” when you come home, to remember how the Lord worked in your life. For when the “daily-ness” of life is there and you wonder about God – you look at your “stones” and see that yes, He still works, He still is true!" 

I'm thankful that I can look back and see how God worked and realize because he worked then He is continuing to work today. Reading those emails brought me back to my time in Zambia and brought tears to my eyes. That experience is nothing I can fully express to anyone. It taught me so much and was life changing. I read things from my email updates like:

"The poverty and circumstances we saw at all these villages was devastating. Each night I came back feeling overwhelmed and confused. We came into contact with about 500 orphans in four days, that makes 1000 parents that have died. Just thinking about that fact alone is hard. Most of the children are malnourished and many had HIV/AIDS."

It's interesting because looking back and reading about the villages we visited they were approaching this devastation in such a community development way. I don't think I even realized it then, but what I learned there and saw there was exactly what I felt called to do in my own backyard, I just didn't know it yet. One of the last emails I received from my brother when I was in Zambia said this:

 

"I pray God cements things in your heart so no amount of America takes away what you have learned."

This happened. God cemented the things in my heart that I learned in Africa and those shaped who I have become. I didn't return the same person and I'm not the same person. I could go on and on with how almost every day something happened in Zambia that links to where God has me now, it's crazy. I'm so thankful today to be reminded of how the Lord works. It's been three years, but Zambia is never far from my thoughts and prayers.

And since pictures are just great here are a few of my favorites from Zambia.

Some of the kiddos and I.

My team at Victoria Falls. The most beautiful place I've ever been!

All the kids wanted was to hold our hands.

Walking through a village with a little girl.

Think about it.

I was looking at my facebook profile today randomly and I found this quote in my quote section and forgot how much I love it, but how challenging it is.

"The only thing harder than hatred is love. The only thing harder than war is peace. The only thing that takes more work, tears, and sweat than division is reconciliation. But what more beautiful things could we devote our lives to?"

Really think about that. What would our world be like if we chose love instead of hate. Peace instead of war. Reconciliation instead of division. Forgiveness instead of bitterness. Acceptance instead of judgment. These are all things we've been called to devote our lives to. Jesus did so as a follower of him I am called to do the same.

Also, just got back from vacation in Seattle/Tacoma/Oregon. It was so great! So fun to hang out with my siblings and see Bob and Court and Katie! It was much needed time away and I'm so thankful for it. And I got to visit Oregon and cross a state I haven't been to off my list! Here are some pics:

At Bridal Veil Falls in Oregon. Leah and I took a hike back to them and I climbed down and then up that rock for a closer view while Leah took the picture from above! 

 Friends living in three different states reunited in one!