Time.

Time is a funny thing. Sometimes we waste it, sometimes we enjoy it, sometimes we wish there was more of it and sometimes we wish it would stand still. I can't even count the times I thought to myself if only there were 27 hours in a day or I wish I could fast forward to ... (fill in the blank).

I've come to realize time is a gift. Each moment I'm alive is a gift and I have the choice on how to spend this time each day. Will I wish it away? Will I worry? Will I be joyful? Do I spend it by myself or do I call up a friend and spend it with them? Do I sleep? Do I go work out? What's the balance between having time to yourself, others, work, friends, church, etc.

I don't know why it's become such a heavy subject on my mind lately. Maybe because I have had more thoughts lately of wishing there was more time in the day and realizing when I do have time away from things I don't have to be doing (which doesn't happen a whole lot), I'm not sure how to spend it.

How can we be good stewards of our time? What does it look like to be a good steward of time? I truly believe that how we spend our time shows what's important to us. I've felt so exhausted lately that I don't feel like I've been a good steward of the extra time in my day. There's always something at the end of the day I could have done instead...why didn't I call to catch up with that person? why didn't I work harder on that project for work? why didn't I wake up to work out? It goes on and on...

I want my life to reflect the fact that I cherish time as a gift and that I am a good steward of the time that I have.  I want to be intentional with how I live and how I spend my time...

This is filled with a lot of questions and uncertainty because really...I'm just not sure.

Nudge.

I have always thought the word nudge was funny. Random I know but I'm going somewhere with this.

Since I've been back to Nashville since Christmas I haven't felt too joyful. I am calling them the post holiday blues. I felt like after coming off a great time during the holidays I just came back to ordinary life and didn't have much to look forward to. While I would mention these "blues" and have my "woe is me" conversations with people I always felt something inside me gently tugging the words back that so easily left my lips...you could call it a nudge.

I was sitting at my kitchen table one morning thinking about what I could plan for my next thing to look forward to. With the limited funds I have and limited extended time I wasn't quite sure where to start. And then I felt it again...nudge.

Now...this nudge was getting a little obnoxious. I just wanted to wallow in my "blues" and find something to take my mind off the fact nothing too exciting was happening, but the nudge would not go away. 

I sat there and thought about how I do like my life. I'm blessed with a job I love, people who love me and lift me up, relationships to pour into, a God who doesn't give up on me,  and I continue to learn more about myself each day. And then the nudge became more like a smack in the face.

Why wasn't this enough? Why did I need to look to the next exciting thing? It's like a still small voice whispered across my soul..."this is what's exciting. life. love. work. people. getting to know yourself. laughing. finding the joy in every morning you wake up, every child you have a conversation with, every smile you receive, and even every meeting you have to sit through."

We are called to be people of JOY and to be present in the moment. This doesn't mean I'll be "happy" all the time, but I will have joy. I have a reason to wake up and enjoy each day because it's a gift. God has given us time and we must be good stewards of it. It's not meant to be wished away and dissolved by "the next best thing".

So because of this nudge I have set a goal. I have a calendar that I've committed to writing a Joy from the day on it. I refuse to go through a day without stopping to see where God has worked and I don't want to take for granted any more the time I have.

So as weird as the word nudge may be to me...I am so thankful that God used a nudge to lead to a smack in the face to remind me of this truth and the Joy I cannot forget to have.

Birthdays are weird.

It's my birthday...and I'm 23...weird. I'm not supposed to be the one growing up. I'm the baby and the one who sees everyone else get older...anyway I was thinking over this last year and how many things have changed and how crazy it has been. I've gotten to know myself better and learned what it's like to transition from one major point in your life to another. So I stole this idea partly from Becca's blog but 22 things I've learned about myself and things that have happened in my 22nd year of life...
1. I started an internship with Harvest Hands and didn't know what to expect!

2. I started the busiest time of my life to date while recovering from pneumonia and my little heart episode...looking back not sure how I managed but thankful for all I experienced in that time and it for sure taught me boundaries and balance.

3. I realized just how much of a people pleaser I am and decided I need to work on that...

4. Traveled a little bit...the Florida Keys, Michigan, Costa Rica, Michigan, Chicago, Seattle, back to Michigan...

5. I gained a sister...not just any sister but someone who I've looked up to a large majority of my life and was so excited for her to become a part of our family

6. I learned that you may think you have your life figured out, but God has other plans.

7. Oh yeah...I graduated from college.

8. Offered the job to lead Harvest Hands summer camp and was terrified I would fail...had a great summer and worked with great people I can now call friends...I don't think I failed.

9. Realized how true the phrase "You can't get something clean without it being dirty first" is

10. Embraced the fact I'm a hopeless romantic

11. Was transformed into someone who knew nothing about children and was scared to death of them to realizing my love for them and I actually like working with them each day.

12. Blessed with a full time job doing exactly what I wanted but thought would take 10 or so years to get to and laughed at God's humor in leading me to a stay in a city that I thought I would leave as soon as I could.

13. Realized how much Baby Girls transformed my life and was instrumental in where I am and who I am today...and crying on some Wednesdays because I can't be with them anymore

14. Went through a small state of depression trying to transition from college life to the real world

15. Realized I am who I am and all I can do is embrace it.

16. Found genuine community and a Nashville family with Harvest Hands

17. Watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds for my own good...not ashamed to admit I would be completely okay with marrying someone just like Agent Morgan.

18. Wrestled with and thought about tough issues like what it looks like to live out God's Kingdom here on earth and what true reconciliation looks like

19. Built on relationships with old friends and made new ones

20. Realized how much I really do hate odd numbers...weird I know.

21. Got my nose pierced which wouldn't be a big deal to some but in a weird way was very symbolic of actually doing something I wanted to do instead of considering everyone else's opinion.

22.  Learned and continuing to learn you can't grow without putting yourself out there and taking a risk even if it does mean you might fail

Not sure my 23rd year is going to be quite as exciting but we'll see what happens... :)

Wait...Christmas isn't just about Santa Claus?

Now...I know most of you would say of course Christmas isn't just about Santa Claus and presents and the commercialization that it's become but it's about Jesus' "birthday" and Him coming to Earth as a baby to dwell among us, which is so true, but have we really thought about what this means? I don't know if it's just that I'm getting older and starting to think into things more or what but I can't stop thinking about this. My favorite translation that talks about Jesus' incarnation is The Message in John 1:14:

The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.

The Savior and King of the Universe decided to move into his Creation. He didn't come with all the bells and whistles or an entrance worthy of royalty like he should have, but he had a lowly birth that wasn't even noticed by most of the world. 

Do people truly understand how backwards and counter-cultural Jesus was and is? His birth was just the beginning of that and it's something I'm remembering today. Christ left his place next to The Father and came to a place he could live among the people and teach them. It's something I would like to emulate in my life. So this Christmas season I'm thankful for a God who decided we were worth it and not a lost cause and decided to move into our neighborhood. And seeing as we're Christ followers we should strive to do the same thing...so I remember this passage from Mathew also from The Message and I challenge you also:

Jesus sent his twelve harvest hands out with this charge: "Don't begin by traveling to some far-off place to convert unbelievers. And don't try to be dramatic by tackling some public enemy. Go to the lost, confused people right here in the neighborhood. Tell them that the kingdom is here. Bring health to the sick. Raise the dead. Touch the untouchables. Kick out the demons. You have been treated generously, so live generously.

Don't Miss Out.

I feel like people are missing out. People that believe the only reason they are on earth and the only reason they choose to believe in Jesus is for what's to come and to go to heaven. Don't get me wrong...there is something to look forward to but you're missing one of the most important parts of the story if all your beliefs revolve around getting to heaven.

We do have God's kingdom and a new city to look forward to but what about that part that says your kingdom come, your will be done on Earth? We are here to be a part of God's story and God's kingdom here on earth NOW. We can bring glimpses of that here. The book Compassion says it well:

"In the new city, God will live among us, but each time two or three gather in the name of Jesus he is already in our midst. In the new city, all tears will be wiped away, but each time people eat bread and drink wine in his memory, smiles appear on strained faces. In the new city, the whole creation will be made new, but each time prison walls are broken down, poverty is dispelled, and wounds are carefully attended, the old earth is already giving way to the new. Through compassionate action, the old is not just old anymore and pain not just pain any longer. Although we are still waiting in expectation, the first signs of the new earth and the new heaven, which have been promised to us and for which we hope, are already visible in the community of faith where the compassionate God is revealed to us." 

 "This is the foundation of our faith, the basis of our hope, and the source of our love."

Why don't we realize we have the opportunity now to be a part of bringing God's kingdom here and giving glimpses of this new city to those around us. Let's not forget the God we serve and that we are a part of a bigger story. We can't just sit around thinking this world is just going to hell and there's nothing we can do and just wait for heaven to come around, but realize the future has already begun and "its revealed each time strangers are welcomed, the naked are clothed, the sick and prisoners are visited, and oppression is overcome."