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Change.

Change. Do I love it or do I hate it? Ya know...I'm not really sure. I almost think I can label how I feel about change a love hate relationship. Sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it and a lot of times I've been resistant to it. Although, I can't deny every time a change does occur in my life it's always a growing and shaping experience, which is in the end whether I loved it or hated it, good.

A lot of change has happened in my life lately:
1. I'm no longer a college student.
2. I have a full time job.
3. I have bills due every month.
4. Going home felt more like I was just visiting.
5. Nashville truly has become my home away from home.
6. New friendships and people are entering my life.
Just to name a few...

All these things have been difficult and a weird transition at times and I'm still getting used to it but there's always an upside to change and somethings that remain the same, which is why I'm choosing to look at the positive side of things and to no longer be resistant to change:

1. I'll still miss college life and the schedule but every season needs to come to an end and I can choose to look at the good times to come.
2. I love love love my full time job and am so blessed to have it.
3. Umm...still working on the positive side of this...maybe teaching me responsibility?
4. Home will always be home.
5. Weird that I can finally say this (this just shows the power of God! haha) but at the same time so thankful I'm able to live and serve in a place that I've come to love.
6. I love new friends, but I'm also so thankful for my faithful friends that have been there through all the change.

:)

Insecure.

I'll admit it, I'm insecure sometimes...or a lot of the time. I'm also terrified of failing and I've realized those two things seem to go along great in my life. I've always seemed to lack the confidence everyone has always told me I should have.

I've been struggling with this insecurity and confidence a lot lately because I've been scared at failing at my current job and all I want to do is be good at it and for everything to go great. It has been pointed out to me over and over again by others, things I've been reading, and even Church this morning that I just need to be confident. I have the skills needed to do well in life and I have the passion for this job so I am fully capable and most importantly I have the power of Christ in my life.

I've been realizing lately my potential and I'm slowly but surely finding my confidence through Christ. I've been spending more time in the quiet of God's presence and immersing my mornings in scripture and it's amazing how much of a difference that makes. I've also been reminded that God doesn't use perfect people. If he had perfect people to work with then where would His glory shine through?

My prayer is that more and more each day I would realize God can work through my weaknesses and He can shine through my inadequacies and failures. I need to trust more. I need to realize I am a daughter of the King and Creator of the Universe and I have him in me. When I think on those things how can my confidence not soar?

An Update on My Life

Well it's been awhile since I've blogged...I've sat down a few times to write and just nothing would come out. But I thought an update on my life would be easy to write, for those of you who I haven't had a chance to share with!

A bit of a disclaimer...if you were to tell me a year ago that I would be in the place where I am right now I would not have believed you. It is just a testament to how God works and how when you ask Him for something he always shows up...maybe not in the way you would ever expect but of course it's always the best.

I was a little stressed at the beginning of this year about what I was going to do when I graduated. I started researching different volunteer programs and opportunities in other cities and countries, but then I attended the CCDA (Christian Community Development Association) conference in October. This was where my eyes were opened to what Community Development was really about and God started revealing to me that my heart was truly for community development in the city and He was going to use me there. There my search narrowed down to city work. Well who would have thought my job with the social work department would have led me to hearing about Harvest Hands Community Development here in Nashville, which is located right next to Trevecca in a lower income neighborhood.

I asked if I could intern with them this semester and they said yes. Harvest Hands does a lot of different things, but a main focus is their after school program for kids and youth and their mentoring program for youth. They also have businesses where the girls make soap and the boys coffee. Here is more info at www.harvesthandscdc.com. We also have a community lunch once a week and are starting to get into affordable housing. I love building these relationships and I'm especially loving being involved in the WOW! mentoring program!

My time there has been incredible and such a blessing. I feel very honored to be working with the people there and they have already taught me so much and allowed me to experience doing really my "dream job" working in Community Development. I've been hired as their head intern for their summer program they do for the kids so it looks like I'll be staying in Nashville! I have a lot of work and planning ahead of me but I'm very excited about it! I love being at Harvest Hands. I'll more than likely be signing a year lease here in Nashville in July hopefully in the neighborhood where Harvest Hands is so I'm here for awhile...which was the last thing I ever thought would happen.

I'm not sure what's to come in August when the summer program at Harvest Hands is done, but I'm not worrying about it...I've done enough of that. God knows what's going to happen and I'm just going to trust Him with those plans. Thanks all for your prayers for me and this journey I'm on!

Procrastination...

1. I've come to realize that my job... is to love God and then love others.

2. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I need to be more patient with the Tennessee drivers that don't know how to drive!

3. I've come to realize that I need...community.

4. I've come to realize that I have lost...my pneumonia.

5. I've come to realize that I hate it when...people are inconsiderate.

7. I've come to realize that money...is dumb and I wish it wasn't necessary.

8. I've come to realize that certain people...don't realize their potential.

9. I've come to realize that I'll always...be at least a little bit of a people pleaser and a little bit too sensitive.

10. I've come to realize that my sisters...are wonderful and a blessing.

11. I've come to realize that my mom...is my closest confidant and best friend.

12. I've come to realize that my cell phone...is always near me and I wish I didn't depend on it as much.

13. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...I was very thankful to feel rested.

14. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...sometimes you just have to let certain things go and there's only so much you can do.

15. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking...I need to go to bed and I have a lot of homework I'm not sure when it's going to get done.

16. I've come to realize that my dad...has always been there when I needed him.

17. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...I know I'll spend too much time on it.

18. I've come to realize that today...i had a great time with great friends.

19. I've come to realize that tonight...was fun!

20. I've come to realize that tomorrow...is a super full day and the start of a very busy week!

21. I've come to realize that I want to...have the opportunity to make a difference in the world.

22. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is...no one.

23. I've come to realize that music...is something that I love and would be very hard for me to live without.

24. I've come to realize that this weekend...I'm going home!!!

25. I've come to realize that marriage...is something I look forward to.

26. I've come to realize that my friends...make me happy.

27. I've come to realize that this year...has been different then expected and the busiest I've ever had but has been wonderful at the same time.

28. I've come to realize that I love...how God has a way of working things out.

29. I've come to realize that I don't understand...why certain things happen and people make the choices that they do.

31. I've come to realize my past...has shaped me into who I am today.

32. I've come to realize that parties...are fun...well depending on what is happening at them.

33. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified of...dying without making a difference...oh and living in the suburbs and living a comfortable and complacent life.

34. I've come to realize that life...is a gift and I need to live each day to the fullest!

Oh What to do...

So it's about the time in the year when I decided I wanted to figure out what I was going to do when I graduated. I thought to myself at the beginning of the semester that at Christmas I would figure out what to do with my life. Well...that's not looking too promising. I'm not stressed out or worrying about it but more than anything I just want to know.

I've learned this semester more about discernment and I've been praying a prayer of indifference, praying that God would help me not to care where I go and make my desire to follow Christ's call on my life and make love my primary calling in life be my motivater in where I go and what I do...not make a decision based on what I want to do or what is most fun or easy.

So since I really do have this mindset of indifference I don't know where to go from here. I have some options and there are some possibilities falling into place possible but I still struggle with fear and really knowing which options are the best...so instead of making this break one of finality and decisions I am going to be seeking. Searching God's heart and will so that no matter what decision I make I know God will be pleased with me since my heart is seeking His and my desire is that no matter where I go or what I do Christ will be reflected in me, love will be shown and I'll be in a place where I can better his Kingdom.