Other.

There's been a lot happening lately...from the beautiful lives lost in Charleston (Also, did you know six black churches have been set on fire since this happened? It hasn't been all over the news, but it's real and it's happening. Check out #whoisburningblackchurches on Twitter), to same sex marriage being legalized, to the affordable care act being upheld, lots of conversations happening, bringing "issues" to the forefront and everyone having an opinion about something. Also, unfortunately, there seems to be lots of hate going around. I don't really get it and I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Something that I've realized in all this rhetoric about different things is how we view each other as "other" or think about people in terms of "us" and "them."

We don't agree with homosexuality and we think marriage should be between a man and a woman so those that disagree or practice homosexuality are "other."

We think the Confederate flag is just part of our heritage and doesn't stand for racism or slavery and anyone who thinks differently is too "sensitive" or "other."

We think "poor people" should just work harder and not take advantage of welfare and "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" and those that don't..."other." Aren't we glad we're not like "them"?

We think those "immigrants" should just go back where they came from, they're too "other," they're not like "us."

How often do we step outside of our own perspective and worldview and try to consider another? How do we stop seeing fellow human beings as "other"?

I know I'm guilty of this too. I can see people that are different than I am and they are "other." They're not like me, they don't believe what I believe, they are wrong...therefore, they are "other." It's me against them...whoever them is. It's like it gets engrained in our minds...there's us and there's them.

It once was easy for me to say, oh, homosexuality is wrong and the law shouldn't include same sex couples...until I started having friends who came out and actually entered into friendships with people who are gay and took the time to listen to them and hear their story. It was easy for me to say, oh, racial profiling probably doesn't happen on the scale that people try to say or racism still isn't a huge thing, people just exaggerate, until I started having friends and neighbors tell me their experiences, until I started listening and really opened my eyes to see. It was easy for me to say, I really do care about equality and justice, but it's just too much so I'm going to distance myself from it all...until, I really started seeing the inequality and injustice. It was easy for me to say, why wouldn't people just enter our country legally...until, I started hearing the stories of those that are undocumented and hear about the fear and injustices they live with each day and how screwed up our immigration system is.

These "issues" aren't issues to me, they are people, they are living, breathing, beautiful people with the image of God stamped on them just like it's stamped on me.

Things can be easier when we see people as "other" or when we just think in terms of "issues." We get to have our opinions, we get to see things in black and white, we get to distance ourselves and thank God that we"re "not like them," but is that love? Is that carrying each other's burdens? Is that truly working to see God's Kingdom on Earth as it is in Heaven? Is that truly experiencing the richness and fullness that can come from deep relationships and community? Is that really choosing to love our neighbor as ourself? Is that what Jesus was about? (I'm pretty sure Jesus spent a lot of his time with people who were considered "other")

We need to be surrounded by people who are different than us. What tore down the walls and broke the lens of seeing "other", for me, was relationship and community. It was love really. It was stepping outside of my perspective and my own box. Building relationships and stepping inside someone else's story breaks down the barriers of "us" and "them"...it creates space for just us.

I wrote a prayer on my bathroom mirror that I read every day because I'm tired of how easy it can be to see the people around me as "other" and I know I have to work to uproot the bias and the indifference in my own heart. I pray that I would be reminded daily that everyone is made in God's image, that everyone deserves to be loved and that if I can even have a small part of affirming that in someone, I will.

It doesn't have to be us and them...we can be part of creating a better story. A more inclusive story. A story where there is no us and them, there's just us. A story where no one is marginalized or made to feel "other" because they are affirmed in who they are and affirmed in the fact that they are created in God's image and are wholly and fully loved.

How does my prayer end? With love...just to love well.

Charleston.

Last week, a horrific, evil act happened in Charleston...motivated by racism and hate. I've had this post sitting in my drafts section since I heard about it. I would type and erase, type and erase, sit and stare, and cry and cry and cry, so angry, so sad. I've been reading and listening a lot...partly in fear that anything I would say may not be the right thing, partly because who am I to even comment and partly because I wanted to hear from others, but ultimately coming to the conclusion that I cannot be silent. Feeling so angry about it all and while yes, it's hard to wrap your head around such evil, I can wrap my head around the attitudes and culture of whiteness and white supremacy that moved him there...because it's everywhere. I refuse to sweep it under the rug as just a hate crime that is isolated to this "white guy who was a loner" or explain it away as "it's just sin". It's more than that. There is nothing new about this killer's worldview. As Joshua DuBois says, "Yes, the killer was deranged, but he simply had a more extreme version of a common malady." (please read the article that comes from here). It's a further example of the racial injustices and racism that courses through the veins of our country and our society. And yes, while I was born white, a fact that does give me privilege and power, I was not born silent, I do not have to invoke that privilege and distance myself from this awful event, among so many others, and forget.

My dear white brothers and sisters, we cannot be silent and complacent, like @feministgriote said, "Black folks did not create racism, anti-blackness, or white supremacy, therefore it is not our issue to fix." Karon Walrond, says it well too. We can't even blame it just on a "white supremacist." As Nancy Rust says, "We can’t call it that because it lets too many White people off the hook.  The average White person (AWP) in America will look at the headlines, recoil at the sickening pictures and deplorable details circulating about Dylann Roof and then declare, “Wow, is he crazy or what? ...Until we are able to acknowledge the system that allows these acts to flourish, we will get nowhere.” 

Austin Channing, talks about how white supremacy affects everyone and says that we have two choices, we can acknowledge that and work to uproot it or we can let it grow...we are either nurturing love or hate. And knowing that those of us who are white, when we say things like it's not "all of us", that really isn't a comfort, but rather creates distance. So to her I say, “I see this sin in my own heart, my own life, my own church and I am working to uproot it. I don’t want to be this way, and I will do the work to submit this ugliness before Christ.”

To my black brothers and sisters, I am sorry. I am sorry that you are made to feel that your lives do not matter because they absolutely do. I am sorry your experiences are discredited and ignored. I am sorry you have to live in fear and for the pain, anger and injustice you experience, that I know I will never fully understand. I am sorry for the way I have distanced myself from things before because it was easy and have not stood up and worked to uproot this sickness.

There are so many more things that could be said, so many more articles or videos shared, so many more "explanations" about why white supremacy, white culture, whiteness is a thing (explanations shouldn't even be needed...just look around) but really...it is a time for lamenting. A time where it's hard to see the hope, joy, peace and reconciliation that should exist. Where people refuse to be comforted and join in prophetic grieving. When these beautiful people in their place of worship welcomed a stranger and then were gunned down for their hospitality and grace, with the only crime being the color of their skin...it's a time to lament. It's a time to remember the victims of this tragedy and say their names because THEIR LIVES MATTER: Ethel Lance, Myra Thompson, Cynthia Hurd, Susie Jackson, Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor, Rev. Clementa Pinckney, Tywanza Sanders, Rev. Daniel Simmons Sr., and Rev. Sharonda Singleton.

(p.s. please take the time to read all the links. Also, the sermon below by Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil is worth the 30 minutes)

[embed]https://vimeo.com/131398578[/embed]

It's About More...

A few months ago, I went to a church that was holding a panel on racial reconciliation. The pastor asked the panel, why should Christians care about this talk of race, reconciliation and justice? One individual responded about how we have to because it's what we should be about. He talked about how we too often take the pieces of God that we like, people cling to the piece that has the most in it for them and what they like the most, the salvation piece. We take the piece of God we like...the salvation piece. Too many people's version of Christianity is just concerned with our souls. It's all about going to heaven. I remember spending many days and nights worried as a kid that if I sinned, wasn't able to ask for forgiveness and then died, I would go to hell because I didn't ask for forgiveness and my soul wouldn't be clean because my Sunday School teacher told me that was true. This is just really bad theology in my opinion, made me live in fear for a long time and totally made me miss out on the beauty of the gospel. (and makes me realize that I was way too worried about deep things at a young age...these were my thoughts as an eight year old. Anyway...).

Our souls are very important...obviously. Salvation is important...but God has so much more for us. We don't get to just decide "we want to go to heaven" and take that piece of God and leave it at that. God is so much bigger than that. People ask me why I care so much about justice and equality and I honestly, truly think it's because we're supposed to. As people who believe in this great big God and claim to follow Jesus, we have to care about justice and equality. We have to care about our neighbors and what is happening to them. We have to remember that every single person is created in God's image and we are called to love each other well. We have to remember that when we claim to follow Jesus, we committed to be a part of a bigger story, that we decided to be a part of God's Kingdom coming here on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Many people have said about me before, "Abby...justice and loving and caring too much is her 'thing'", but it shouldn't just be my "thing". It should be all of our "things". (And you know I'm no expert or that great at it, so we all need to be in this together!)

I was at the Justice Conference last weekend and got to hear Dr. Cornel West speak and one thing he said really stuck out to me...he said, as people who say they follow Jesus, we have to be about love and justice. They're not equal, but their indivisible. If our faith and beliefs are rooted and all about love, with that comes justice. To me, it just makes sense, that's what my theology is about.

We can't just take the pieces of God we like.  We can't ignore the injustices that happen around us. We can't think that the goal in life is just to make it to heaven. It's about so much more than that.

"The gospel at its best deals with the whole man, not only his soul but his body, not only his spiritual well-being, but his material well being. Any religion that professes to be concerned about the souls of men and is not concerned about the slums that damn them, the economic conditions that strangle them and the social conditions that cripple them is a spiritually moribund religion awaiting burial." - MLK Jr.

Lessons from my Thesis

I submitted my thesis last night...all 100 pages! (I was excited that it ended up being such a great, round and even number). I can't believe it's done. I'm not sure if I've ever worked so hard on something in my life. I was trying to think of all the hours it took up and I really don't think I can count them. Let's just say, I'm not gonna know what it's like to not have work to do before I go to work in the morning or as soon as I get off at night and I won't be spending all weekend at my computer. I'm not going to miss scheduling interviews at lunchtime, dreaming about coding data or spending 12 hours a day looking at a screen. I feel like I'm about to re-enter society! I'm currently laying in my bed as I type this on my phone because my body and mind vetoed my attempt to actually sleep in until 8 today. I let it sink in that I was done with my thesis and naturally, because I think too much, I started thinking about all I learned this semester through this process. So, naturally, I made a top ten list.

1. Things that are worth it are hard. I could have taken a lot of shortcuts through this process, but I didn't. I actually really do care about what I researched and I wanted to produce a thesis done with excellence. Producing this was really hard, but worth it.

2. I have the best community ever. I wouldn't have made it the last couple months if it wasn't for my family and friends. When I think about how great everyone is I get emotional because I'm just so fortunate to know such awesome people and that I get to have them in my life (I'm allowed to be emotional aboht these things...I just completed a milestone). I actually could really feel the prayers of so many people and the texts, calls and gifts kept me going. The fact that I have friends and family who would transcribe interviews, edit chapter after chapter, let me cry and assure me it'll be okay and make sure we celebrate even the little victories is amazing. My people y'all are the best kind of people.

3. It's okay to say no. I became very familiar with the phrase, "I just don't have the capacity for that." I've learned that sometimes you just have to say no and everything will still be okay. Not gonna lie, still not great at this and am not always good at doing this without pounds of guilt accompanying it, but I'm working on it.

4. Even when you don't think you have time to take care of yourself, you have time to take care of yourself. I'm not just mentioning this because my whole thesis is about self-care, but because it's actually true. Through this whole process (full disclosure: at least up until the last two weeks or so) I have tried to make a conscious effort to still love and take care of myself through the crazy. Not only was I working on my thesis and had another class, but this is one of the busiest times for work too and there was always something that needed to be done. But sometimes, I just took a nap or watched an episode of Parks and Rec (I mean they're only 20 minutes and it's the best show ever...) I also tried to get 8 hours of sleep most nights, I truly think being proactive in caring for ourselves results in more productivity and helps you keep your sanity. I wasn't always great at this in all aspects (don't even ask me the last time I worked out) but I could tell a notable difference from when I felt like I was consciously choosing to care for myself and my soul.

5. Good music matters. Pandora was my BFF for this process, also my "Grad School motivation playlist." The Explosions in the Sky, John Legend and Ingrid Michaelson stations were in heavy rotation. I love music and listening to it while I work makes me feel like I'm not alone in it...(as I typed that I realized that may be weird but it's true)

6. I am highly motivated by rewards and incentives. Yes, call me a child or a puppy, but the range of incentives I made for myself during this process were sometimes ridiculous and comical but effective.

7. The mountains help me think and give me life. I was fortunate enough to get away for a weekend to Gatlinburg to work on the bulk of my research and it was awesome. I had a clear mind, got to be creative and was surrounded by mountains. Even though I barely left the hotel room and I worked 15 hour days, it was life-giving.

8. Sometimes knowing you're not alone is all it takes to give you the extra push to get it done. I loved the group messages between me and my classmates and knowing we were all working on this together.

9. It's okay to borrow belief from others sometimes. There were times I wasn't sure I could finish this or felt like what I was doing wasn't good enough or really valuable, but there was always someone around me reminding me those were lies and who believed I could do it. Sometimes when we don't believe a truth, we have to momentarily borrow the belief from someone we love until we believe it ourselves.

10. Every season ends. This was a season. A long, hard, emotional, rewarding, but intense season. Amidst all the work, it's also been a difficult personal time for different reasons, but knowing this was just a season kept me sane at times.

I actually cannot believe my thesis is submitted and I graduate next week! The last two and a half years have been a crazy time. I've learned more than I thought, been continuously blessed by the people I've met through this program and I've grown a lot. I am so thankful for this season, but I'm ready to move into this next season carrying all that I learned through this one with me.

(For real...a HUGE thank you to all of my family and friends and all of your love and support through this grad school season. If I could take out a billboard to brag about how awesome and wonderful you all are, I would...not to be too dramatic or anything) ;-)